With opening day on Sunday, and due to our love of baseball, we thought we would get on the band wagon and give you our 2010 MLB preview reports. Over the next three days we will cover all 30 teams. We’ll start with the east and like Lewis and Clark, work our way west. The mornings will have our AL previews and at 12:30 (MST) you can catch the NL previews. Now let’s toss out the first pitch and get things under way.

1. New York Yankees

Last Year’s Record: 103-59

Predicted 2010 Record: 97-65

Pertinent Line from Real Team Preview: “Joe Girardi wore No. 27 last season and the Yankees won their 27th World Series . This season, he is sporting No. 28. Next year, no one will be surprised if he asks backup catcher Francisco Cervelli to give up his No. 29. The Yankees are primed to become the first team to repeat since, well, the Yankees completed a three-peat 10 years ago. ‘They’re the team to beat once again,’ Rays manager Joe Maddon says.” – Stan McNeal, Sportingnews.com.

Something(s) to Love: Derek Jeter is pretty fun to watch. He also comes across as a pretty likeable guy and for someone of his caliber and situation, he plays the game and does it all the right way.

Something(s) to Hate: A-Rod and the news frenzy he fuels. Whether it’s from banging Madonna or roiding up, A-Rod is talked about for everything he does except for his ball playing. Yankee fans will be uber-obnoxious if their team does the repeat thing, more so than they already are.

Funniest Name on their 40 Man Roster: Chan Ho Park

Fred the Homeless Dirtbag’s Appraisal: “They say New York is the city that never sleeps. Well last night I found me a brand new Frigidaire box. It was for one of them deluxe models. After I fought that raccoon for it, I slept like bullfrog.”

2. Boston Red Sox

Last Year’s Record: 95-67

Predicted 2010 Record: 92-70

Pertinent Line from Real Team Preview: “The Red Sox are clearly a powerhouse and should win 85-90 games in their sleep this season. However, while Epstein shored up the “D,” he didn’t retool Boston to match New York’s – or maybe even Tampa Bay’s – power. For that reason, I see a Wildcard battle with Tampa, not an AL East crown, in the cards for Boston this season.” -Shea Matthews, Capperspicks.com.

Something(s) to Love: I hear this ballpark has Smithwicks on tap. There’s also a good chance of catching some punk rock from the Dropkick Murphys before, during, or after a game at Fenway Park. And you know we love us some punk rock.

Something(s) to Hate: The smugness of Jonathan Paplebon. He has so much arrogance like he’s the God Dammed pitching equivalent of Jesus Christ. But really he has a big ugly face that’s as dumb as a butt and it needs a good punching. Also Boston fans are like herpes, they never go away.

Funniest Name on their 40 Man Roster: Boof Bonser

Fred the Homeless Dirtbag’s Appraisal: “Sam Adams is a true patriot. He makes a beer that tastes good even in the dirt. And the bottles don’t break right away when you throw them at those damn teenagers on their rolling boards.”

3. Tampa Bay Rays

Last Year’s Record: 84-78

Predicted 2010 Record: 91-71

Pertinent Line from Real Team Preview: “Predicting how the Rays finish is a challenge. They are a decent-to-good team with the potential to be great. They will probably not make the playoffs, but they could win it all” –Damon Good, ezinearticles.com.  

Something(s) to Love: The Rays were a surprise team in 2008 and it was hard not to get caught up in that fun. If they can recapture that magic again we won’t be bored by the AL post season as per usual. They are the new underdog in this division.

Something(s) to Hate: They dropped the “Devil” part from their name. That made them sound awesome and dangerous, now they sound friendly and not intimidating at all.

Funniest Name on their 40 Man Roster: (tie) Evan Longoria, because it sounds like that chick from “Desperate Housewives,” and Dale Thayer because it sounds like you have a lisp when you say his name.

Fred the Homeless Dirtbag’s Appraisal: “Steve Irwin was killed by a ray. The damn Crocodile Hunter was killed by a ray. The man hunted crocodile and a ray took him out. That’s messed up man.”

4. Baltimore Orioles

Last Year’s Record: 64-98

Predicted 2010 Record: 65-97

Pertinent Line from Real Team Preview: “The Baltimore Orioles have been in rebuilding mode for a while, carving out a spot at the bottom of the American League East division in recent years. A few good trades and some smart signings have this team looking forward to its future, however.”  – Alex Brown, examiner.com

Something(s) to Love: The fact that you know it will be an easy win when you team faces them, like facing CJS regular Tron in Beirut. Also the way Elaine refuses to remove her Orioles hat when sitting in the owner’s box at Yankee Stadium.

Something(s) to Hate: Their inability to be a good team makes me sad and makes the games hard to watch. And without Cal Ripken what’s the point?

Funniest Name on their 40 Man Roster: Koji Uehara, it looks like urethra. Uh, the word urethra, not an actual urethra.

Fred the Homeless Dirtbag’s Appraisal: “Oh, I do love Oreos. Mostly just the white center. I’ll just like that stuff away then save the cookie part for later. The double stuff ones are like Christmas. I can eat for days when I get one of those.”

5. Toronto Blue Jays

Last Year’s Record: 75-87

Predicted 2010 Record: 85-77

Pertinent Line from Real Team Preview: “It should be an interesting year for Toronto.  If the Jays are smart, they will use their plate appearances, starts, and innings to develop their young talent and separate the guys who will be a part of the team’s future from those who won’t.  I’m prepared to be wrong, but I’m optimistic enough to think that the Jays can actually improve on last season’s win total, which wouldn’t be a bad step considering 2010 is the first year of rebuild.” – Daniel Hugo, sbnation.com.

Something(s) to Love: They’re Canadian!

Something(s) to Hate: They’re Canadian.

Funniest Name on their 40 Man Roster: Jarrett Hoffpauir. This sounds like a completely made up French name. Like Jarrett Hoff was trying to convince some chick he was French and just added the “pauir.”

Fred the Homeless Dirtbag’s Appraisal: “Toronto? What is that, like Canada? I ain’t know nothing about that. With their hockey and their mooses. I just as soon stay away from there. Now Florida, that’s more my style. Let’s head on down there and take in some spring break, or Daytona! Woo-hoo!”

Come back at 12:30 for game two of our double header.

lee.s.hart@crujonessociety.com

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