With opening day on Sunday, and due to our love of baseball, we thought we would get on the band wagon and give you our 2010 MLB preview reports. Over the next three days we will cover all 30 teams. We’ll start with the east and like Lewis and Clark, work our way west. The mornings will have our AL previews and at 12:30 (MST) you can catch the NL previews. Now let’s toss out the first pitch and get things under way.

1. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim

Last Year’s Record: 97-65

Predicted 2010 Record: 85-77

Pertinent Line from Real Team Preview: The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim have experienced a period of dominance in the National League West, finishing atop the division in each of the last three seasons. However, they lost a few key pieces this offseason, and the division title is no longer guaranteed” – Alex Brown, examiner.com.

Something(s) to Love: The team lost a lot of their star power meaning they may not dominant the division like before. If they do win the division, it’ll mean they are that much better and might have a shot at the World Series instead of falling just short.

Something(s) to Hate: The pretentiousness of the inclusion of “of Anaheim” in their name. Also the unfun total domination they have had. They’re like the Yankees of the west and it is boring!

Funniest Name on their 40 Man Roster: Mike Napoli, not really sure why it’s funny. Maybe it’s the way my voice gets all high when I say the “poli” part.

Fred the Homeless Dirtbag’s Appraisal: “My favorite dancer over there at the Glitters is named Angel. That girl has the biggest set of juggs I have ever seen; and a butt that just won’t quit. ‘Course I ain’t allowed back in there, not after what happened last time. But that pelican was asking for it!”

2. Texas Rangers

Last Year’s Record: 87-75

Predicted 2010 Record: 94-68

Pertinent Line from Real Team Preview: By the looks of things the AL West is wide open. The team that has dominated the division the better part of the last decade, the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, are vulnerable, having lost some key players. Seattle is going to be tough, but they have question marks as well. It is not crazy to think the Rangers could be headed back to the postseason. In fact if certain things fall in their favor, such as Hamilton giving you 140 games or Harden making 30 starts, it might be a foregone conclusion. Hopefully the Washington fiasco from a couple of weeks ago does not linger, but the Rangers are a legitimate threat in the West.” – Chris Ruddick, TSN.

Something(s) to Love: Vladimir Guerrero. Like an ex-wife, this guy will bust some balls. He joins the team as a DH which means he has one job: hit the ball hard.

Something(s) to Hate: Rich Harden is probably going to dominate and have his best season ever. You’ll really only hate this when your team faces the Rangers, or when you remember Harden was pretty good when he was on your team, and now he’s fantastic.

Funniest Name on their 40 Man Roster: (3 way tie) Dustin Nippert, it’s like nipple.  Taylor Teagarden, oh what a lovely tea garden And Jarrod Saltalamcchia.

Fred the Homeless Dirtbag’s Appraisal: “Remember the Alamo! Remember when Ozzy pissed on the Alamo? Yeah that was awesome. I pissed on an Alamo Beer can. That one over there. I drank it first, so it was like I was sending it home.”

3. Seattle Mariners

Last Year’s Record: 85-77

Predicted 2010 Record: 90-72

Pertinent Line from Real Team Preview: If Texas and Los Angeles are boom/bust teams in the West, Seattle is the opposite – a straight line with a high floor but modest ceiling. It’s tough to imagine these guys winning fewer than 85 games, as their top-end arms and defense are just too good, but the lack of pop in the offense also should cap their win total around 90 games.” – Shea Matthews, capperspicks.com.

Something(s) to Love: Ichiro Suzuki. This man is all around incredible. The feats of this man are enough to fill an entire post. So I’ll sum it up in 3 words: Uh-Maze-Ing! Also it is great to see Griffey Jr. back in Seattle.

Something(s) to Hate: Milton Bradley. This man brings down every team he is on. He thinks he is god’s gift to baseball, but as it turns out, he is not that good.

Funniest Name on their 40 Man Roster: Chone Figgins.

Fred the Homeless Dirtbag’s Appraisal: “I once got my picture taken with Ken Griffey Sr. He is very black, and me, well I am very white. And next to him I look almost Albino. Also he made a weird face in the picture. I think he smelled my fart. Yeah, that’s the face he made.”

4. Oakland Athletics

Last Year’s Record: 75-87

Predicted 2010 Record: 74-88

Pertinent Line from Real Team Preview: Vegas odds have Oakland listed at 125/1, which sounds about right to me. It will take absolutely everything to go right for the A’s to win it all. The starting pitching would have to stay healthy and the offense would have to prove that it’s considerably better than the sum of its parts.” – Christy Hofmann, SB Nation.

Something(s) to Love: This team is plucky, and can be surprising. They will try hard and that will make for some good ball. The pitching is made up of a lot of young players, so if you want to see up and coming talent, look here.

Something(s) to Hate: “Moneyball!” When the hell is this shit going to pay off? We have been dealing with this for years now and what has it gotten the A’s? Not a god damn thing except a reputation of trading a great player at the deadline. Enough is enough!

Funniest Name on their 40 Man Roster: Coco Crisp. He’s got the same name as a cereal!

Fred the Homeless Dirtbag’s Appraisal: “Has anyone on this team ever hung with Mr. Cooper. You know he lived in Oakland? I know he was more of a basketball guy, but I could see him trying out with the team. If Jordan can play what he called baseball, then surly Mr. Cooper could.”

Come back at 12:30 for game two of our double header.

lee.s.hart@crujonessociety.com

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