The week has finally come to an end, oh that’s why it’s called the weekend! And our weekend is filled with a birthday party, putt-putt, a bbq, some baseball, and pretty girls. Sounds absolutely lovely. We can’t wait for it. But first we have to put in a few more hours with the man. Doesn’t mean we can’t waste some of those hours with scary fighters, 3-D boobs, and some outer space insects. Let’s put the spaghetti in the machine already.
We have a new favorite Oakland Athletic player, not like that is hard to do what with the revolving door Billy Beane has set up there. Dallas Braden called out A-Rod then threw a perfect game. We can in no way even come close to describing it as well as America’s Finest News Source did, so take it away The Onion, “Twenty-six year old Oakland Athletics pitcher Angry A-Rod Man threw the 19th perfect game in Major League history Sunday, striking out six and retiring 27 out of 27 Tampa Bay Rays batters. The Angry A-Rod Man, known primarily for being angry at A-Rod (above), accomplished the feat in only 109 pitches, 77 of which were strikes. “I had good stuff today,” said the Angry A-Rod Man, who joined his grandmother Angry A-Rod Grandmother after the game so they could be angry at A-Rod together. “It’s just cool to know that everyone thinks of me as the man who threw a perfect game.” When asked for comment, A-Rod wished the Angry A-Rod Man well.”
Remember when Kimbo Slice was a huge internet sensation? His videos consisted of him fighting some hapless sucker, and knocking said sucker the fuck out. Kimbo then tried to go legit with his fighting and worked his ass off to get into the UFC. Then he got whompped on the last UFC Pay-Per-View and Dana White cut him from the promotion. We enjoyed the internet ass kickings, and appreciate his work ethic, but we never enjoyed his professional career. He just didn’t look good in the octagon. Unless he’s reading this, in which case we love every thing about him. Jesus this man is scary and we’ll stay on his good side.
Do you recall the very first Happy Friday? We know, it was just over two years ago. Senor Limon started it with a few of the week’s more interesting news stories. Never realizing it would become the behemoth that it is, now 94 strong and running rampant. And those first news stories Limon shared with us? Well we got one about Wesley Snipes’ tax evasion, the stunt man who drove James Bond’s car into a lake, and this gem of a chubby man with bad teeth singing opera on British television. Such humble beginnings, and we went and spoiled it with dick and fart jokes. Such is the way of CJS.
While we’re thinking of things past, perhaps the band Alien Ant Farm brings back some memories? They had a hit with a cover of Michael Jackson’s “Smooth Criminal” and followed it up with the enjoyable yet less popular “Movies.” Then we think there was something about a bus crash, people were hurt, no fatalities, but they took some time off. Recently someone caught up with Mike Cosgrove, the Alien Ant Farm drummer, and he really wants you to know he is in the band for the long haul. He is positive the band will reemerge with another “Smooth Criminal “ type hit and rock the country for another month or two. It’s nice to read about rock stars still wanting to rock and not just in it to be a one time fad.
When I walked out of the bus station the other day I saw a man whose jacket, pants, and beanie all matched. He looked incredibly ridiculous, not so much in the fact that he matched from head to toe, but that all three articles of clothing were embroidered with logos for the Insane Clown Posse. We have never understood the ICP fan base, or ICP for that matter. It all just seems so stupid to us. Then we found this list and hoped it would shed some light. Instead it just validated us. Warning you may become dumber for reading what’s on this list.
The world’s largest beaver dam was recently found in Canada. It’s so big… how big is it? It’s so big you can see it from space. Yeah usually there is a better joke following that setup, but our campy joke writers went on vacation. Seriously though, you can see this monstrosity from space leaving us no choice but to ask if it is in fact a God damn? Yeah, that’s right we used this link solely to rehash a Beavis and Butthead joke. Also we said beaver, heh heh.
“What would people most like to see in 3-D?” asked Playboy founder Hugh Hefner. “Probably a naked lady.” Let’s cut the crap Hugh, people always want to see a naked lady. Never the less, Hugh is getting in on the 3-D fad and the latest issue of Playboy features a 3-D centerfold. A few months ago Playboy featured a pictorial of Marge Simpson and now the 3-D centerfold, these types of gimmicky tactics lead us to believe these are desperate attempts to save a dying ship. With the internet and the green movement, Playboy is paddling hard to stay afloat. Though the 3-D centerfold does sound pretty cool.
The last bit of news we have for you is somewhat sad. We mentioned on Monday CJS would be going on an indefinite hiatus. We wanted to share a couple of personal messages about that hiatus.
Hart: When we launched this website, over two years ago, I was a bit scared and incredibly excited. I had no idea what was in store, or if people would read it. It was thrilling and I was so happy to take the chance. And that chance has played out beyond what I could have imagined, and it is largely due to you, our readers.
Every weekday we poured our heart, soul, and some jokes into the articles we would write. We were doing something we love and we were so happy to share it with you. In return you showed us love and gave us support. We couldn’t have asked for anything more from you, except maybe that you bought more of our merch.
There are very few things we like doing more than writing articles that allow us to make fun of pop culture and share the things we love with you. If we could do nothing but spend our days writing these articles we would. Unfortunately that is not the way the world works. Our lives, like most people’s, are filled with obligations and demands that have to be met, and these obligations force us to make sacrifices.
If this wasn’t one of the hardest decisions we have had to make then it would be a sacrifice. But never worry, when the time is right, when the stars and planets align or whatever, we will make our triumphant return.
Thanks for reading.
Dagger: I’m not known for my brevity, but I’ll do my best to make this quick. The Cru Jones Society is going on hiatus. What can we say? It sucks. For over two and a half years, this site has been at the forefront of my thoughts and for the first time, next week we don’t have any articles to do, we have no editorial calendars to update, we have no Twitter updates to construct hyping a new article.
But like anything else, all things have an end, even if those endings are only temporary as we expect (hope?) this one is. In college, I stopped writing music reviews for 411mania.com because I ran out of free CDs to use. I stopped hosting my punk rock radio show because I ran out of college. I stopped writing Monday Night Raw recaps because I ran out of desire to watch professional wrestling on a regular basis anymore. In this case, I need to stop writing the Cru Jones Society because I’ve run out of free time.
Writing the articles we do on top of working a regular 40 hour job means you work two jobs. Writing 1,000+ word articles three times a week, finding links for Happy Friday, captioning pictures, and formatting giant blocks of text takes a long fucking time. And rarely was there a time when either Hart or myself didn’t happily do it with a smile on our face.
We did it because we couldn’t not do it. We love to write, we love to crack wise, we love to entertain you. We’ve put together what we think is a damned impressive body of work over the last 2+ years and we smile every time we think about you reading some goofy bullshit we wrote while the ever present eye of IT department wondered what weirdo BMX site you visited is. And we’d happily do this forever, but sadly, the real world just isn’t always that cool.
When you write for CJS, you have two jobs. One pays well but doesn’t fulfill you in all the ways you hope a job will. The other lights your fire, makes you happy, and gives you an excuse to get drunk every Derby Day, but pays basically nothing. In a world where multiple references to Butters’ impassioned speech about why it’s okay to cry doesn’t pay your rent, unfortunately the less fulfilling job that pays better eventually has to take precedence.
Hart and I find ourselves loaded with unrelenting career demands that make writing Cru Jones Society the way we want to write it impossible. There are only so many hours in the day, and since neither of us have a desire to be hobos with laptops, we have to step back. It’s not a decision that came easily, happily, or without several drunken debates, but a decision that had to be made.
But fret not, CJS Regulars. Like the all-female contingent of dinosaurs on Jurassic Park, we’ll find a way. We’ll be gone for a bit – a week, a month, several months, who knows? – but we’ll come up with something. Because this site means more to us than you’ll ever know. Thank you for reading us and letting us do this. Just like Cru Jones delivering newspapers, we’ll see you again soon. And I promise we’ll rock this sucker.
In the meantime, look for us on Facebook and Twitter. That’s where we’ll look to stay sharp. So you’re not already a fan or a follower, join up, check us out, and if you want us back sooner, tell your friends. We won’t be far away, so don’t be afraid to ride Helltrack and click that link right below. We’ll always answer.
Pull up next to this bear. We’ll be there soon.
14 May 2010 CJS Staff