Cru Jones Society

Getting a cold is generally awful. Your nose runs, you ache all over, and you spend the better part of two weeks hacking up all the colors of the disgusting rainbow. We all know this. But like anything else, it isn’t all bad. There are things about getting sick, that in their own weird way, sort of rule.

I bring this up because I feel half shitty trending down. This couldn’t possibly come at a worse time as I’m busier than a whore’s ass on nickel night, so to say that I’m throwing everything I have at this cold is an understatement. Emergen-C! Zicam! Crazy herbal shit! Whiskey! If you have a crazy cold remedy, toss it my way.

But life is life, so if I get sick, I’ll just have to buck up and deal. And if that happens, well, here are the five things I’m looking forward to about it. Continue Reading »

John Travolta, Kirstie Alley, and Bruce Willis’ voice star in this family friendly movie about being a single mother in the late 80’s. So why would I, a 27 year old man, be watching this movie? Because the Broncos game was a god damn joke, and not a good joke, but one of those annoying jokes you hear a thousands times from that one co-worker who thinks he’s the next George Lopez, but he’s more like the next Carlos Mencia. So there’s that, but also I have some weird tendency to watch movies I probably shouldn’t, which is why I have seen Meet Dave.

I will admit at one time I probably really enjoyed this movie, and I wasn’t completely annoyed with this viewing, but I was thinking about it probably more than I should have, or more than anybody should have. I suppose when watching a movie at age seven and again at age 27 you’re bound to pick up on more things and have some questions, unless you’re some kind of idiot savant child, which, clearly, I am not. So it has taken me twenty years of life experience to fully realize why this movie really sucks. Continue Reading »

We’re back in the Love Lounge (a week late, admittedly) and it’s time for more chauvinism from our old friend Charlie Anderson of our favorite festering pile of awful advice and even worse advice, AskMen.com. Last week Charlie dropped some knowledge (read: stinky, obtuse, ill-reasoned diarrhea fart of an article) on us about 10 ways women have brainwashed men.

As it turns out, that article was an answer to his previous offering of 10 ways men have brainwashed women, which, if I know how the internet works, probably earned Charlie some well-deserved scorn for his unprovoked, context-less blast of misogyny from a phallic shaped fire hose resulting in his need to offer a compensatory article in order not to look like a complete sexist ape. So let’s visit the source material. You know how the Love Lounge works. Take it away, douche bag… Continue Reading »

One thing that we never learned to do during our hiatus was to not waste company time. We still managed to use the high speed company network to search the internet for interesting or funny websites and articles. This could explain our inabilities to get promoted or even raises. Oh well, that just means we have more time to spend with this website.

So here it is, our first real Happy Friday in several months. And this week we don’t hold back. We have Eric Stoltz traveling through time, game balls parachuted in, and Kenny, fucking, Powers. Plus some other stuff. So let’s stop wasting time and put the spaghetti in the machine. Continue Reading »

As I write this, the first Chilean miner has emerged from his rock coffin of three months to the cheers of those working around the clock to free him, a grateful son and wife happy to see their dad/husband alive again when all hope was thought lost, and a large group of Chileans gathered at their embassy in Washington as the world rallies around 33 men surviving unbelievable circumstances in one of the world’s most dangerous jobs.

Given the cultural ubiquity of this event and the warm feelings sent by onlookers from all over the world to this incredible group of men, who, in the normal course of doing their jobs, were thrust into the worldwide spotlight due to what could have been a grave tragedy that turned into a rallying point and tale of perseverance for a downtrodden global populace, I think it important to discuss what really matters – annoying people at the airport. Continue Reading »

Dear Hobo,

I appreciate seeing you during my commute on the corner of Speer and Blake, because when I see you I know I am on my way home. I also enjoy the can-do-never-give-up attitude you exhibit on a daily basis. I understand things can happen in life and not everyone has the ability to hold down a job, it happens. And I’m sure the recent state of the economy hasn’t helped either. But these things haven’t stopped you from trying to live a white collar dream and get fast, easy, unearned cash from hard working people. Continue Reading »

Welcome back to the CJS Love Lounge, my lovelies. Believe it or not, the article you’re about to read below was the catalyst to get me back in the CJS saddle. Yep, our own CJS Regular Jitterrawks sent me a text message that said, “It’s too bad you’re not writing CJS anymore because I have an awful piece from AskMen.com that would be perfect for the Love Lounge.”

Never one to refuse a chance to throw a little acid in the eyes of those queefbangs over at the worst fucking website in the history of existence, I asked her to send it to me with the disingenuous promise that “maybe I’d get motivated to write something.” I thought I was full of shit.

Then I read the chest-beating, faux-populist, misdirected, chauvinist pile of shit she sent me and could resist no more. Getting a nice hate lather going reading the awful scribblings of the simpering bros-before-hos shitheads at AskMen.com made me feel at home. This was my beckon call, and I was ready to hatefuck the internet with an angry screed about poorly reasoned misogyny.

Dagger’s back! So let’s check out the offender. Continue Reading »