One thing that we never learned to do during our hiatus was to not waste company time. We still managed to use the high speed company network to search the internet for interesting or funny websites and articles. This could explain our inabilities to get promoted or even raises. Oh well, that just means we have more time to spend with this website.

So here it is, our first real Happy Friday in several months. And this week we don’t hold back. We have Eric Stoltz traveling through time, game balls parachuted in, and Kenny, fucking, Powers. Plus some other stuff. So let’s stop wasting time and put the spaghetti in the machine.

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We love Denver. We are proud to call it home. Hart has listened to many a drunk rambling from Dagger about how much he loves to just  look out across the city and soak it all in, embrace the city skyline, and wouldn’t want to live anywhere else. From Coors Field, to the Cash Register Building, to Wash Park, Denver is a spectacular city. While this may just sound like some bias talk from home town folk, and it mostly is, we have been partially vindicated by the American Planning Association (APA). The APA has published this year’s list of “10 Great Neighborhoods” and LoDo has made the cut.

While we weren’t surprised about this, we were surprised at the area considered Lodo. We had always heard the term LoDo and knew the generally area but we didn’t know it was defined specifically from Larimer to Wewatta and Speer to 20th. And we always thought Wewatta was on the wrong side of the tracks, literally. Also we just won a bet by using the word “Wewatta” legitimately three times in a post.

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It hasn’t been much of a secret, at least not to any movie nerds like us, that Marty McFly was originally going to be played by Eric Stoltz, some of the scenes were shot with Stoltz. These rumors were never denied, in fact it had been admitted Stoltz had the lead role. But aside from a supposed scene left in during editing, which I have never noticed probably because I was too busy trying to figure out how I can get my own flux capacitor, the Stoltz scenes have never been seen until now. They’re being included in the 25th Anniversary Special Edition Blu-Ray, out October 26.

After watching the few scenes included in this news story we have come to a few conclusions. First of all Stoltz is too tall to play Marty McFly. Secondly, watching these scenes from a movie we have seen approximately a billion times with someone other than Michael J. Fox is a bit unsettling. Finally we can’t help but wonder how different Stoltz and Fox’s lives would have been if they kept Stoltz in the lead. Perhaps screwing with the space-time continuum plays a role in the development of Parkinson’s. Also we tend to assume this means all of Stoltz’s roles post  Back to the Future would be played by Fox and vice versa, so we like to picture Alex P. Keaton selling heroin to Vinny Barbarino.

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You know that traffic jam that causes you to be late for work or keeps you from enjoying that post work beer? Now usually these traffic jams are the result of the work day starting and stopping at the same time for a large chunk of the population or some dick weed driving like a jerk and wrecking like the dip shit she is. But how would you feel if that traffic jam was the result of some shitty band and their half assed attempt at a publicity stunt.

Well that’s what happened on an L.A. freeway this week. Self-proclaimed “hardcore” hip-hoppers Imperial Stars parked their stupid ass truck across the highway and stopped traffic in order to perform their shitty, generic, and lame ass song “Traffic Jam 101.” We find this a ballsy move on their part, I mean pissing off a bunch gun happy L.A. folk on the freeway is an invitation to get your ass shot. Maybe that was their hope, get some gun shot wounds and create a street hard image ala 50 Cent. But we hope Imperial Stars makes it, after all, the world doesn’t have enough shitty, more focused-on-the-showman-ship rappers.

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Because Detroit is such a toilet Michigan kind of gets a bad wrap. But then they go out of their way to have the game ball for the Michigan versus Michigan State game delivered in a kick ass way. Despite the fact I felt anxiety the entire time during this video, it was still fun to watch. No, I take that back. I have a problem with heights and the anxiety messed me up something proper-like so I didn’t care for watching it. However, I am under the impression it is a sweet a video, if you’re rational and can watch such a thing.  So enjoy it, because I just can’t.

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While we’re talking about football, or at least things that some what deal with football, we want to bring you this story. An ex-NFL agent has decided to come clean and spill the beans on his life as an agent. He talks about early desire to just hang out with athletes, the cash he gave to some players, how he went legit and why he gave it all up. It’s almost like watching Blue Chips, except there’s no angry Nick Nolte, or bad acting from Shaq, and it has nothing to do with college hoops or point shaving, also reading it was more fun than watching Blue Chips. To recap, this article from an ex-NFL agent is a good read and is not really like the movie Blue Chips.

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If you’re anywhere near awesome then you already know how great of show “Eastbound and Down” is. If not, then what the hell is your problem? The second season is well under way and we have enjoyed it so far, especially with the entrance music Kenny has chosen for himself. And the corn rows Kenny sports are pretty sweet, but apparently having corn rows is down right miserable. You can read more about that and other behind the scenes information in this interview with Danny McBride, the man behind Kenny Powers.

If you miss any of the new season for whatever reason (forgot to set the DVR, don’t have HBO, or just don’t want to watch the show) you can catch a recap of it, along with the HBO series “Boardwalk Empire” and “Bored to Death,” written by our own E Dagger over at examiner.com. Because when you can’t watch TV the next best thing is reading about it.

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By now we all have the understanding fast food is fairly bad for you, and especially when it is given to your kid. And we may think that because we give them the small portion of a Happy Meal we aren’t doing as much bad as we could be. But it turns our Happy Meals are pretty gross on a whole new level. A recent experiment meant to be an art project has shown another hidden horror of this supposed joyous amount of food. After months of leaving the Happy Meal food sitting out it never developed mold or decomposed. It just turned rock hard and petrified all the grossness. We find it is usually a bad idea to consume food that is full of preservatives it lacks the natural ability to decompose. Seriously that is some messed up food.

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Now complaining about the quality of fast food may make us seem like an awful person, but according to Cacked.com there are many things an ass-ton of people are already doing that are turning them into shit heads. While purposefully creating a traffic jam in an attempt to sell records isn’t on the list, you might be surprised about some of the things on here. And maybe even surprised by how many of these things you are doing. And if you are then knock it off. We don’t you to become a dickhead who nobody likes. So take this article as more of a public service announcement, and don’t be a dickfor.

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During our hiatus we started working on a TV pilot. It stars Bart Starr and Ringo Starr as older paparazzo trying to keep up in an industry run by young folk. We call the show, “Starr Gazers.” Unfortunately for us we don’t know a whole lot about the paparazzi industry. We just assumed they were a bunch of vultures trying to latch on other’s fame and feed a society that insists it doesn’t care about celebrities. Then we were treated to this incredible piece and were given an insight into a world that was incredibly foreign to us. We were so captivated which was weird because we really never cared about these things before, but damn this was a good piece. Now we can finish that pilot like we’re writers who know what we’re talking about.

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If you have ever been on more than one flight then you know just how tedious it can be to listen to the safety demonstration. In the 29 years we have walked this earth the safety procedures on a plane have not changed. Even in a post 9/11 world where damn near every aspect of air travel has been altered, the safety procedures remained the same.  As such most of us don’t pay attention, burying our heads in the Sky Mall and turning up the iPod to drown out the boring shit we’ve heard a gazillion times. At least one airline is taking a new approach and making an effort to keep us tuned in during the lecture. And frankly, we would enjoy being on this flight and hope more airlines follow suit.

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No go find your own shoulder cookie and start the weekend.

lee.s.hart@crujonessociety.com

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