2010 is dead, and we killed it.
Thankfully we did not kill anyone on this list of others who also perished in 2010. This also means everyone that participated in Ghoul Pool 2010 faces no further questioning from authorities regarding any of those deaths.
Will that hold true in 2011? Will CJS Staff and Regulars whiff on all the deaths of the year? Something tells me one of these is going to hit this year, which we have mixed feelings about. Here are the official entrants in Ghoul Pool 2011 here at CJS. If you somehow stuck your thumb up your butt and forgot to submit, leave your three picks in the comments section. Here we go…
Lee S. Hart: The first person I’m going to say is Brian Wilson. This one kind of hurts me to say because the Beach Boys are the band I would credit with turning me on to music, but Brian lived a tortured but brilliant life. The past few years has seen him start to re-emerge and become relevant again so it only seems fitting that this would be the time he passes on and catches that eternal wave in the sky.
For the surprise and random death of the year I am leaning between two people, but I think I’ll say David Spade. No real reason, he just strikes me as that person in the “did not see that coming” category and suddenly it is tragic despite the fact that no one really had anything positive to say about the man for the past several years. Also seems like it has been some time since an SNL alum has left us.
Finally I’m going to turn to the world of wrestling as that seems like a hot bed for deaths. I’m guessing this will be the year when the luck runs out on that crazy son of a bitch “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan. Honestly I am surprised he has lasted this long, actually no I’m not. He always seemed to do things the right way, but at the same time he just strikes me as the type of guy who would be involved in some bizarre accident, an out of control 2×4 or something. He is just that kind of guy.
E Dagger: Who’s that one hateful motherfucker from Kansas that protests the funerals of soldiers under the pretense of carrying out God’s will? *Quick Google search* Ah, Fred Phelps. First of all, fuck this guy. Second of all, he’s 80 years old, which is quite old. Thirdly, with the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” the gradual and welcome erosion of gay intolerance in this country, and the increasing irrelevance of crusty old fuckface hatemongering pieces of shit like this, I’m willing to bet 2011 is the year he finally just withers away and dies in some forgotten corner of Kansas obscurity like he deserves.
Second, it seems like a long time since we had a rapper die in some good old fashioned gunfire. I have no idea if that’s even true, nor do I care enough to spend two minutes validating that careless statement through Google, so whatever. With that said, let’s go with someone associated in some way with G-Unit. And using my random G-Unit member generator, the man who needs to watch his back in 2011 is… Lloyd Banks! Congratulations/I’m sorry, Lloyd! Best of luck in 2011.
And finally, in the dead wrestler carousel showing no signs of stopping, let’s go with Don Muraco, who, at 61, has already defied the odds of professional wrestlers from the 80s. He had a huge build, traveled the road with noted cokeheads Jake Roberts, Ted Dibiase, Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart, and the Junkyard Dog, and worked the brutal schedule of a 1980s WWF Superstar. I won’t slander him here on the internet by implying that he was big coked up roidhead without any evidence, I’ll just say if that were true, it wouldn’t surprise me.
Jitterrawks: I have to go with one from last year. Fidel Castro. I’m pretty sure he’s been dead for a few months, but the government is covering it up, to be released right before mid-term elections in an attempt to get more people supporting the Tea Party, or a new spin-off of that political abomination.
Second, I’m going with Snooki. Mostly because I want her out of our social consciousness. She is part of a group that has oddly been the smartest people on TV by being completely dumb. I’m not mad at them for being popular, I’m mad at the general populace for becoming obsessed with idiots that are the reason the aliens will kill us. If that’s the transmission they get, we’re doomed.
Finally, I gotta go with Betty White. It seems like the Golden Girls have been dropping one per year over the last few. She will be missed, but she’ll leave on top. And get a ton of post-humus awards, and have some lifetime achievement award named after her.
Lady E: I need at least one “gimme” so I am going with Zsa Zsa Gabor. She has almost died so many times in 2010, she has got to finally kick it in ’11, right?!
I don’t necessarily want Lindsay Lohan to die, but one more binge and she is a goner…
Finally a sad and controversial pick, Betty White. It just doesn’t look good for her. Estelle Getty died in ’08, Bea Arthur in ’09, and Rue McClanahan died in ’10. At this rate, ’11 is her year. I hope she breaks the death run of the Golden Girls.
May they rest in peace in 2011.
This used to be where we’d make some pithy comment about the responses above and then ask the next Confessional question. Unfortunately, even before we had to give up writing full time, this segment was dying on the vine.
We hit our peak with it in only the third installment where we got 13 responses to the prompt: What infomercial product do you most want to buy? Granted, damn near everyone chose the ShamWow, but still, that’s a ton of responses.
We hit our low with the simple question: “Would you get on the spaceship at the end of the movie Cocoon?” when Gutter provided the only response. Oddly enough, that Confessional turned into a pretty interesting dialogue between the CJS staffers.
Anyway, we don’t have any plans to continue the Confessional except for special occasions (and possibly even less than that considering we had multiple requests for this one, yet only two responses). However, that doesn’t mean we’re against doing it if the demand is there. But we’ll leave that up to you.
Do you have a question you want the CJS staff to answer and/or put to the Regulars? Feel free to ask anything about movies, television, music, food, booze, culture, travel, or anything else. We’ll be happy to answer any question you want. So if you think of something interesting you need input on, need advice about something, or if you just think of something fun to ask, send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org and we’ll go from there. We look forward to whatever you send.
Until then, look for us next week when we make predictions about 2011. Happy new year, everyone!
Hart & Dagger
03 Jan 2011 CJS Staff