Dagger came up to me last week and said, “I would like it if you wrote a predictions post.” I said, “I knew you were going to say that.” Then he sighed and rolled his rolls eyes. I’m sure he died a little inside as well. So I put the puns away and pulled out my crystal ball and peered into the future. Ok it was a baseball and I threw it at a Jump To Conclusions Mat. Either way I did what I had to in order to make some perdictions about the future.

I will be completely torn about Thor until I see it

I have never tried to hide the fact that I am a comic book geek, ok maybe there were a few years where I tried to hide it in hopes of popularity, but that was then and now is now. So with that said, I love comic books. However I don’t love every comic or every character, that would just be ridiculous. And one character I especially hated as far back as I can remember is Thor. I even went so far as to despise that little girl in Adventures in Babysitting for being such a huge Thor fan.  I’m not sure why I disliked Thor so much, perhaps it was the long flowing blonde hair, or maybe I wasn’t keen on creating a super hero from Norse mythology rather than an original idea, or perhaps it was simply that Thor sucks!

Now with this new information about Lee S. Hart, you may assume that I have no intentions of seeing the Thor movie, and had this movie come out in 2007 then yeah I would have said, “Meh, I’ll catch it on USA or F/X some time, maybe.” But something happened in 2008 that was a game changer, that something was Iron Man. That shit was awesome! Then Iron Man 2 happened, both of which started to set the stage for what should be an epic Avengers movie. Then Joss Whedon was tapped to write and direct The Avengers. The Avengers isn’t going to be released until 2012, but I haven’t been this excited for a movie since Inglourious Basterds, and I still have more than a year. Now I need Thor to A) fill my comic book movie void and B) continue the Avengers build up. So even if it is as bad as the Eric Bana Hulk movie, at least there will be some eventual payoff.

Until then I will struggle with the idea of seeing what might be an awesome super hero movie and seeing a movie about a character I have hated most my life.

I also predict I will like the movie more if I see it via DVD rather than at the cinema, but since there is no real way to prove that I’ll end up seeing it in the theater.

A new album from Dr. Dre

Hip hop fans will get their “Chinese Democracy” when Dr. Dre’s new album finally drops after years and years of talk about it. Or has it already been released? We really don’t keep tabs on the hip hop genre. After the so called song we heard yesterday we were reminded as to just how vapid hip hop can be. Though I suppose The Suicide Machines singing about Vans shoes isn’t exactly Nietzsche, but my point, whatever it is, still stands.

There’s going to be a catch to the Dre album though. It will only be playable on devices equipped with Beats Audio and you’ll have to use that weirdo mask thing every time you want to listen to it. However, both of these will be worth it as this will be the best hip hop album since “Please Hammer Don’t Hurt ‘Em.”

I will find a new favorite micro brewery

For years I have declared New Belgium the top banana in my micro brew hierarchy. Now the top spot appears to be occupied by Breckenridge Brewery. Their whole stable of beers pleases my palate. But I have this feeling that at some point in 2011, Keithage and I will continue on our breweries tour and I will fall head over heels for some brewery I never expected. These beers will become the new brews I seek out at the liquor store and bars. Eventually I will annoy all my friends when I never shut up about the deliciousness of these brews. This obnoxiousness will only be enhanced after consuming several of said beers. I will become a completely unbearable drunk.

Football Predictions

I’m not going to try to predict who is going to win in the NFL because as the Seahawks showed us anything can happen. What I do think will happen is the players will be leveled with fines for improperly hitting other players and so many others will be suspended for their “extra circular activities” and that lockout gthing will happen. All of these things will leave no other options for football fans but the NCAA. Which means there will be no chance for a playoff system. I won’t care about any of this until half way through the season when all the ramifications and possible outcomes are explained to me by a passionate fan who is able to convince me it is actually exciting.

Meanwhile the Rocky Mountain Showdown takes unexpected turn as Cam the Ram breaks loose from his captors, kicks someone in the balls (that footage will find its way to AFV) then head butts Ralphie in the knee. The startled bison takes off, dragging his handlers the length of the field before both animals are brought down with tranquilizers. All in attendance as well as those on the field will be lost in confusion which will only worsen when the University of Colorado fans begin to throw batteries onto the field. It will still stand as the best thing seen at Mile High over the past year.

Gnomes

First, they’ll steal the underwear. Second ???.  Third, profit.

Mr. Sunshine will end quickly

The new show starring Miss Chanandler Bong airs, uh, soon, I’m not really a details guy, I’ll probably like it which means it’ll suffer the same fate as the last show starring a cast member from Friends that I liked, it’ll last one season then get the ax. Meanwhile Courtney Cox’s lousy new show, by new I mean the one that has been on over the past year, will continue to piss me off as I catch the first few minutes as I look for something else to watch after Modern Family.

I really enjoyed Studio 60 and it got nixed real fast. I have loathed the combined 8 minutes of Cougar Town, and Episodes may have potential, but I don’t get Showtime and that free preview didn’t entice me enough to try and watch it. So I suspect this year I will have to stick to seeing my Friends in reruns or Adam Sandler’s new movie.

Dropkick Murphys will rock my ass off

One of my first concerts ever was Dropkick Murphys and it was amazing. I have seen them several times since and was recently thinking that I would like to see them again. The last time I saw them they had just released an album I didn’t much care for and didn’t really give the show a chance. Now I am looking forward to them and will be ready for an ass rocking great time. Also I don’t think I was allowed to drink the last time I saw them, but that has changed and I feel the experience of their show can only be enhanced by the presence of alcohol.

August will hold a surprise for me

About mid August, with four months to go in my schooling, I will finally snap. After not being herd from for a week, someone will come to my apartment to find me hold up in a fort I made out of couch cushions, a poorly made fort as I only have two couch cushions. I’ll be mumbling something about Maslow’s hierarchy and there will be stacks of notebooks all containing slash fiction about Pavlov and Freud in a Skinner box.

Final Prediction

In the next week or so I will probably throw this son of a bitch computer out the lousy window. This slow asshole has been pissing me off for the better part of the night and the window is right there. I’m not the best at throwing, but I know I could get this piece of shit out the window. And you know what? Fuck the window too. What has it done for me lately? Nothing! It deserves something going through it. Two birds right there. I see no down side to this plan.

Oh wait, I suppose if I did that I couldn’t help Dagger bring the comedy to you, our loyal readers, a few times a week. I would have to pretend I know what a type writer is and actually publish these jokes. I guess we know there is at least one prediction I got wrong. I’ll keep the computer around and keep giving you all jokes and jokes and jokes.

See ya at the high school reunion…

lee.s.hart@crujonessociety.com

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