Cru Jones Society

The genesis of this article came last Monday night. Lady E worked late. I breathed easily after a local news piece on my company that could have gone either way turned out largely positive. The Rockies sat 12-3 with the best record in all of baseball, and the buttfucking World Series Champion San Francisco Giants rolled into town for a little old school baseball bloodmatch. The team that had it against the hot team that wanted it. Fuck yeah! Baseball time!

Then Esmil Rogers promptly exploded and spotted five runs in the first inning to Tim Lincecum, giving up a 3-run homer to goddamn Pat Burrell who was hitting .190 at that point and one epic shot immediately thereafter to Nate Schierholtz who, despite being someone I have never fucking heard of, became the first one to put it in the right field upper deck this season. Christ…

This reminded me of just how much I hate the fucking Giants. Granted, I don’t hate them enough to beat one of their fans into a coma, but then I’m not a Los Angeles psychopath. I sporthate the Giants an appropriate amount. This led me to think about who else is at the peak of my sporthate. Continue Reading »

I recently watched the movie Due Date and it quickly became apparent that it was just an updated version of the John Hughes classic Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. My idea was to write about why it was necessary for certain things to be changed in order to make the movie more relevant to the 21^st century. However, as I re-watched Planes, Trains, and Automobiles for research I noticed something more intriguing about the movie, which could also be applied to Due Date. This new revelation is that John Candy’s character doesn’t actually exist and he is merely a figment of Steve Martin’s character’s imagination; a Tyler Durden to Ed Norton. Continue Reading »

So I’m watching Rookie of the Year the other morning, and it’s the scene where the Cubs play the Mets for the NL Pennant. Gary Busey as Chet Steadman is out there laboring away with his thick ass mustache and hat full of crazy. He walks the bases loaded and begs his manager, the wildly emotion Sal Martinella, for just one more hitter. Steadman shakes off a bunch of pussy ass breaking balls and goes for the heater. He rears back, fires, and you hear his arm give out complete with a giant wail from an inexplicable electric guitar on the movie’s soundtrack. Continue Reading »

We thought about posting a new Happy Friday, but then we looked at what was going on and realized that it would not have been that great. He’s a brief synopsis of how that would have gone: Japan’s under attack by Godzilla, some guy with a name I won’t be able to spell is pissing on Libya, Charlie Sheen, fun new site, fun YouTube video, Rockies off to an awesome start, JOHNNY BONES! Demotivator, and see you next week.  So instead we have decided to give some stuff I’ve been thinking about when I get tired of hearing about the tragedies of the world. So he’s another edition of Hart’s Random Musings! Continue Reading »