Cru Jones Society

When I was a kid, Randy’s Mother (aka Macho Mom) would always make sure that Randy would put aside tickets for when the WWF or WCW would come to Chicago. During a show in 1992 or 1993, me and my brother were actually granted the opportunity to go backstage. For the 6-year-old me, this was the most awesomest thing possible.

I don’t remember what happened during the show, but I do have a vague memory of what happened when I was able to go backstage. I’m not sure of what my expectations were of going backstage, but at that point in my life I was sure of 3 things: Wrestling was 100% real, there were Good Guys who were super heroes, and there were Bad Guys that were super villains.

We were met backstage by some WWF people who were leading us into the locker room area, and we were brought to Randy to say hello. There were a bunch of other wrestlers around, which was really cool but there was one problem: the good guys were hanging out and being cordial to the bad guys! Seeing good guys like Brett Hart sharing laughs with bad guys like Jake “The Snake” Roberts was almost traumatic to see; like seeing your Dad french kiss your aunt. It simply wasn’t supposed to happen.

I was sad, scared and confused. I gathered up the courage to ask why the Good Guys were friends with the Bad Guys. Randy said, “We’re not. We’re just tricking them. You’ll see.”

After this, a WWF rep was showing us some other areas of the backstage. I don’t remember what we saw, but I know when we circled back to the area where Randy was, all of the wrestlers I had seen before were back in character. Bad guys were yelling at Good Guys about how they were going to kick their butt and Good Guys were holding each other back from attacking the bad guys.

This. Was. Awesome. It IS real! Of course it is!

Randy didn’t know me too well, but he cared enough about a young fan and professional wrestling to keep the illusion and innocence alive.

While, as I said earlier, I cannot claim that we were particularly close, I do send my condolences to those in our family who were. He made a lot of people happy.

The above is not my story, but it’s my favorite tribute to “Macho Man” Randy Savage I’ve read over the last four days. It belongs to a gentleman named Adam, who was Randy Savage’s second cousin, and it was sent to Drew Magary of Deadspin who included it in his latest edition of the Funbag. 

“Macho Man” Randy Savage died Friday of a car crash in Tampa, Florida. This is my tribute to him. Continue Reading »

Welcome to the 4^th Annual CJS Kentucky Derby Awards. We reconvened for the 137^th running of the Kentucky Derby at Churchill Downs this past Saturday with a fistful of unhealthy snacks, a brand new cocktail, and a mindset for the day: Needs more horse.

So while we may not write with the vigor we used to (afterall, you’re looking at this 6 days after the Derby has concluded), that has not diminished our appetite for cracking jokes at the expense of NBC’s (admittedly) excellent coverage of the Kentucky Derby. So strap in, because we’ve got adultery jokes, The Big Brown Upside Down Sexual Innuendo Award, fat buglers, horse sex, and the undeniable brilliance of Animal Kingdom. Continue Reading »

It’s the Sixth of May and you’re probably asking, “Where the hell is Hart’s annual Cinco de Mustache post?” Well, it’s half-assedly right here. It’s not to say I didn’t grow a stache, because I did and it has driven my female friends away in, well, droves. Keithage’s, though, caught the attention of one waitress last weekend. She wouldn’t leave our table alone, and was all about him while practically ignoring me. She even took his order then left without taking mine. Oh well, it just meant I could watch the hockey game and not pretend I cared about what she had to say.

Anyway, I don’t really know what more I can write about this holiday every year. I’ll start brainstorming and plan something for next year, but for this all you get is that picture above and a song.

I thought I would instead talk about another change my body recently went through. Continue Reading »