What would a Cru Jones Society anniversary month be without some random musings? Well, a lot like the last anniversary I suppose. That won’t be the case this time. Now I submit to you a collection of the thoughts I have throughout any given day. I hope you’ll enjoy, or at least gain some insight into the mind of Hart.

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Do you think Wolverine is circumcised? There’s not a lot known about his past, so we don’t even know if this is something his family would have believed in. Then there’s the question of whether or not his mutant healing ability would allow for the circumcision to take. This makes me feel like Brodie, thinking more about super hero’s junk than anyone should, ever!

While I’m on super heroes though, what kind of religious beliefs do you suppose the X-Men have? Would they shun a God they believed turned them into societal outcast? Or would they embrace their mutant powers as some kind of sign they were meant for more? I feel like there are many areas of super heroes left unexplored in the comics. Let’s get to more human aspects and less of the over the top villains and fights and explosions. Or keep doing what you’ve been doing for 70 years, apparently that works.

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How did the Ninja Turtles, of the Teenage Mutant variety, develop such defined personalities? They were raised by a docile martial artist, not the type to be known as a partier. Additionally, all four turtles seem to have different personalities, it seems odd that they would be so different based on their ages and the fact they didn’t have contact with any other people. Did that little kid that dropped them down the sewer have any impact on their personality? Did they learn it all from television? Or are we to believe that regular turtles just have personalities and those were enhanced by the ooze?

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How come no one bothered to pick up the Fresh Prince from the airport? At the time of his arrival in Bel-Air there were four people in the house with requirements needed to operate a vehicle. I can understand Hilary not going as she was a self-centered little brat. But Phil and Vivian were Will’s new guardians, and if they’re not going to go they could have at least sent Geoffrey. It didn’t seem like he was showing up unannounced, which would have been a dick move by Will’s mom. You’re a teenager with no money and new to California, figure out how to get to our Bel-Air mansion.  What a bunch of assholes.

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While recently at a wedding I learned that all girls know all words to all songs. I couldn’t believe what I saw but everyone on the dance floor who was 35 or under and had ovaries was singing along to every song the dj put on. They sing-a-long to songs I have never even heard before. To the girls who read this site, how do you do this? Do you like these songs, or is this some kind of social survival tactic? Either way it’s really impressive, and slightly intimidating.

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Since Sith are basically just evil Jedi is it still called a Jedi Mind Trick when done by a Sith? Like that choking thing Vader does, is that a Jedi Mind Trick? Or is that term only reserved when convincing someone something about droids? “Sith Mind Trick” doesn’t exactly roll of the tongue.

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So you know the Secret Service, like the guys who guard the President? Do they have to be bi-partisan, or are they assigned based on their political affiliation? It seems like it could be a problem to have Republican secret service protecting a Democratic president. What are the rules there? Do they even have a political agenda? I know they are there at all the speeches, but how much of that are they actually listening to? There’s probably some dude yakking in their ears about the guy who just got up to go to the bathroom and the woman who shifted slightly in her seat. Their minds are so focused on all sorts of other things they can’t be bothered with whatever the hell the president is saying. But how much can they really block out in the modern world? There seems to be a lot more to the secret service than looking badass and keeping people from being shot.

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I’m starting to believe Lady Gaga and Nicki Minaj are the same person.

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I like when companies will just use their classic commercials in these modern times. Right now Cadbury is airing their Easter commercial where the other animals are trying out to be the Easter Bunny. It reminds me of a simpler time. A time when Easter only meant searching for eggs then our annual family hike. Not the commercial holiday it has become. I don’t believe that at all about Easter. It’s just another Sunday where I end up at mom’s and eat free ham. Back to the original point, I also like when the old Tootsie Pop commercials, the one with Mr. Owl are shown. They’re just so simplistic, and you know you just get the one. There are no reoccurring characters and this weird world and story arch built around them. It gets right to the point and we can move on. That Mr. Owl sure is a dick.

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I’d like to see a Planet of the Apes zombie movie. Basically all the elements of a zombie movie but with apes. According to the Planet of the Apes mythology they are smarter, stronger, and more agile than humans, and so it would be interesting to see how they handle the superior zombies. Also the ape movies all deal with their conflict with man, but the zombie apes would be interesting as we get an idea how they handle conflict against mostly themselves. That’s where the scary parts of zombie movies are, we’re just fighting ourselves. And with how sweet the CGI in Rise of the Planet of the Apes looked, the zombie apes could be awesome!

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When I go through a drive-thru they are a few things I like to do. One is to place my order by reading exactly what it says on the menu, so instead of just ordering chicken nuggets I ask for crispy chicken nuggets. Or barring that, I will up-grade my soda to the big ass soda. They never repeat back the “big ass” part. I just hope that these things bring a smile to the cashier and make their terrible job slightly better. But ultimately, as I once told an ex-girlfriend, about 90% of what I say is done to amuse myself.

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I think I have sufficiently amused myself here. Hopefully you were too, but really I don’t give a shit. But sure to keep reading! Tomorrow we’re talking about a CJS favorite, alcohol! We may even have free samples, but you’ll only know if come back!

In the end it’s a question of Hart.

 

lee.s.hart@crujonessociety.com

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