I heard The Offspring’s “Pretty Fly For a White Guy” the other day and all I could picture was that stupid cracker from the video. He’s big ugly face that’s as dumb as a butt wouldn’t leave my mind so I took to the internet to sate that appetite. It’s times like this where I miss school and I could do something more than watch nostalgic videos from my younger days. Unfortunately I don’t. So I got caught up watching old videos and after the initial sigh of disappointment, I found myself having fun.

Offspring – Pretty Fly For a White Guy

My first impression is this guy reminds me of a friend of a friend from high school. Not so much the over thugged costume, but the face and the crooked hat. I’m not sure, but I think by having the guitarist walking through the neighborhood playing his guitar is an attempt to establish how suburban this place is. This “thug” lives in an area that is so white people just walk around the streets playing guitars.

According to the lyrics this guy goes to buy music but the place is out of Ice Cube so he buys Vanilla Ice. Why are these the only two options? Living in my little suburban town I was able to find more rap music at the local record store. Or is it just meant show how inept he is that he can’t figure out any other rap music if the word “ice” isn’t involved? I also like the idea that he isn’t thuggish because he lacks the ability to choose a tattoo artist who won’t fuck up his design. He was trying, he asked for the 13. It’s not fully his fault he got the wrong number.

This just seems like The Offspring thinking they’re better than this poor bastard yet they have this video that seems it’s only purpose was to let these punks make a rap video. I didn’t think I’d ever be this angry at this, but fuck the Offspring and their holier than thou shit.

Sugar Ray – When It’s Over

The concept here is each member day dreams about what they want the next video to be. It’s not unlike that Offspring video where we see a band making a video not associated with their genre. My question is, is it racist that the black guy dreams of the rap video? Wait, does this video actually imply that every member of this band wished they were in a different band? I mean I know they all actually wish that, but is this them essentially saying as much? I was thinking maybe it was as I thought the band, uh, disbanded shortly after this album. But turns they released something 3 years ago. Learn something stupid every day.

The culmination of this video is exactly what you expect from a Sugar Ray video. They’re playing music at a beach party with intercut scenes of the band riding Vespas. Sugar Ray, beach party, Vesps that is how we as a society are summing up the 90s.

Will Smith – Getting’ Jiggy With It

So “Jiggy” is in the lexicon, that’s something that happened. I remember when I first heard Willow Smith rapping about whipping her back and forth and thinking that she is a terrible and ridiculous song writer. Then I listened to this song and realized that the song writing apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I’m content to Will Smith’s new plan of only making movies.

This video is confusing. First everyone is in the typical late 90’s rap video area, the weird mirrored room and puffy ass jackets and shit. Then after the chorus suddenly it’s an Egyptian motive, complete with Will dressed as a Pharaoh, and some random shot of a bunch of shirtless dudes. Then they’re in Hawaii and Will Smith is wearing the most obnoxious thing I have ever seen him wear. I don’t understand a lick of what is going on. This was just an assault on the senses, or I just had a seizure. Either way, I don’t feel well.

Smashmouth – Walking on the Sun

Does anyone else feel like Smashmouth is always on their way to go bowling? Even during the beach party scene it looks like their plan for the day was beach, play music, then… we bowl! Maybe it was some kind of foreshadowing because I’m pretty sure they’re only playing gigs in bowling alleys now.

In the Smashmouth videos, or video, after this one it seems the singer decided he was cool. He wasn’t quite sure if he was or not during this video. It’s like he knew lead singers were cool guys, but he still hasn’t accepted himself as a lead singer, so he didn’t know what was going on exactly. Just kept telling himself that shoot would be over soon and he could go back to being king of lanes down at the Santa Clara Bowling Center.

Snoop Dogg – Who Am I? (What’s My Name)?

Holy shit, Snoop just morphed into an actual dog! So Snoop Dogg and Tha Dogg Pound aren’t metaphorical dogs, but actual dogs during the day and humans by night? Or just humans when it’s time for partying? This video is confusing. Oh but the way they fuck with the dog (dogg?)catchers is like how they fuck with the police. Layers!

I do love the shots of Snoop hanging out under an overpass with a bunch of old tires. You will never see that Snoop again. Once rap was all about how real you kept it and how ghetto you were. Now it’s all about how ridiculous your life is. Though I suppose you could see the transition coming in this video and the shot of the Farrari, in the drive way of the shitty hood house.

After all is said and done I think I really do miss the videos of my youth. If you enjoyed watching these videos, then like us on Facebook and we’ll give you a daily video starting in April!

In the end it’s all a question of Hart

lee.s.hart@crujonessociety.com