Cru Jones Society

Welcome to the 5^th Annual (and Final!) CJS Kentucky Derby Awards. The 138^th Annual running of the Kentucky Derby Awards brings to a close our time together here on the interwebs, and it’s almost like the universe knew we were throwing in the towel and decided to send us off in style with the alcohol equivalent of a massive Viking funeral. Valhalla here we come!

So join us for one last romp during the sport of kings where we ogle the mancandy wearing gorgeous suits, we make references to movies that are 20 years old and laugh hysterically about them, and the big winner of the day is somehow Nate Diaz. Continue Reading »

Welcome to the 2^nd edition of CJS Fact or Fiction (the first, covering booze, can be found here). Today, your faithful CJS authors Lee S. Hart and E Dagger tackle six statements related to sports fandom. Can a grown man wear his favorite athlete’s jersey in public? What is the proper behavior for foul balls? What about hockey pucks? Who wants to hear about your fantasy football team? All this and more await inside.

You decide who wins. Just let us know in the comments section. Let’s play! Continue Reading »

Dagger’s in Las Vegas this week for, oh, about the 12th time in the last 8 years. Clearly he’s crossed this one off his bucket list, yet he and Lady E continue to venture back for more. They clearly can’t get enough of that wacky Blue Man Group. But our question to you this week is: What are your top three bucket list travel destinations? Let’s assume you have the money, time and means to accomplish any trip in the world. Where do you go? CJS Staff has listed their answers first, and all the Regulars come shortly after that. So put your seatbacks and tray tables into their upright and locked positions, and let’s get to it. Continue Reading »

It’s music week here at CJS, and what would a good music week be without talk of live music? We love going to shows and we spend a lot of time discussing shows we would like to see. And based on a recent trend in live music has been bands playing an entire album in order at the show. With that in mind, this week’s questions was: What album would you most want to hear played live from start to finish?

As always, staff responses are first, Regulars chime in afterward. If you forgot to confess this week, have a comment on a fellow confessor, or simply want to voice any opinion, please do so in the comments. We’ll have next week’s prompt at the article’s conclusion, so please join us here once again seven days from now. But first, your confessions. Continue Reading »

Welcome back to the Monday Confessional where we both lament the fact that it’s Monday and bare our souls for the betterment of our fellow human. Or we simply make fun of each other for the bizarre choices we make. Today’s prompt, in honor of St. Patrick’s Day, which should provide an ample shitshow this year considering it’s on a Saturday, is: What would you wish for if a leprechaun granted you three wishes?

As always, staff responses are first, Regulars chime in afterward. If you forgot to confess this week, have a comment on a fellow confessor, or simply want to voice any opinion, please do so in the comments. We’ll have next week’s prompt at the article’s conclusion, so please join us here once again seven days from now. But first, your confessions. Continue Reading »

Well, it’s Monday and if it was five years ago that would have meant we ate too much Taco Bell and D.P. Dough due to the consumption of Jager and beers. While in those moments the tacos and calzones may have seemed like the greatest meal ever, it is now completely obvious they were not. Which leaves us asking: What was the best meal you’ve ever had in your life? If you’ve forgotten how this works, our answers are first, followed by yours, and we finish it off with a new question for the week. Continue Reading »

While out Christmas shopping we found ourselves stumped on what to get you, our loyal readers. We don’t know your sweater size so that was out. Gift cards seemed so impersonal. And it seemed someone took the Playskool Kitchen we left near the register. Finally after hours of discussions and many, many beers we knew exactly what you wanted: A brand new Big Ass Christmas Post! We’ll even let you unwrap it before Christmas morning. So go ahead, unwrap and enjoy! Continue Reading »

It’s the moment you’ve been waiting for. Inside this article is the definitive list of correct choices for all three of the basic human desires – foodin’, sexin’, and car-in’. It’s time to find out who is the 2011 Food, Sex, or Cars Master! Should you have any problems with these answers, take it up with us in the comments section, but we’ve run these answers through a world-class thinktank of psychologists, physicists, cryptiosimitists, and other really smart people including 2-time winner Keithage. Our word is the last word.

Without further ado, here are the results to the 4^th Annual Food Sex or Cars Competition! Continue Reading »

Just a friendly reminder, voting in the 4th Annual Food Sex or Cars competition closes today at 6 pm, MST. Make sure all your choices are in for a shot at $50 at iTunes. All scenarios can be found linked right here. So get those last minute votes in! We’ll announce winners tomorrow. Thanks for playing, and good luck!

Hart & Dagger

Well we’ve come to the end of another year of Food Sex or Cars? We’ve had some laughs and some tears, and we hope you enjoyed yourselves. Once you’re done with this final round go back and make sure you answered all the rounds, are content with your answers, and that you crossed all the “T’s” and dotted all the lower case “J’s.” Remember voting for all scenarios closes Monday, November 28 at 6:00 p.m. MST. And we’ll announce the winners on Tuesday, November 29. Without further ado the finale of Food Sex or Cars? 2011! Continue Reading »

Sometimes we create scenarios that we wish we could forget about. But instead of trying to erase them from our minds we opt to bring you with us into the nightmare. This is one of those times. Consider that a warning. So here is Round 14, enjoy the rest of your day! Continue Reading »

Good morning and welcome the final day of 2011’s Food Sex or Cars? We hope you were able to get your Christmas shopping done, considering most stores have now been open for seven hours. You’ll need the focus and concentration to answer the scenarios presented to you today.  Now strap in for this gas-tacular round 13! Continue Reading »

This is a day for everyone to reflect on what they are thankful for. We hope you are all thankful for an enjoyable childhood you once had. Did you have a nice trip down memory lane? When we took it we came back with some souvenirs and created our last Thanksgiving Day scenario. After this there are only three more! Continue Reading »

Whoever is cooking your Thanksgiving meal is probably about to get started, and you’re no help, which means you need something to do. As usual CJS has got your back. We proudly present the second scenario of Thanksgiving Day 2011! Get ready for three things that will never get their own Macy’s Parade Float. Continue Reading »

Welcome to day four of our annual competition, and day four always means it is Thanksgiving! This is the one day a year when we are allowed to fully embrace our American ways and eat and drink to excess. So in the spirit of going big and giving into vices we give you Round 10. Hope your Thanksgiving doesn’t pale too much in comparison. Continue Reading »

Tomorrow we give thanks. As Americans, it’s the only day we’re really required to do that. If you’re a CJS fan, you give thanks this whole week because you get to test your brain on all sorts of goofy shit three assholes thought up for fun. We had some divine help with this one, and you’ll definitely need some divine help in figuring out the correct answer. Round 9 of Food Sex or Cars is feelin’ fine. Continue Reading »

Like Arcade Fire, we grew up in the suburbs. Unlike Arcade Fire, we have not galvanized a legion of insufferable mutton chop wearing hipsters drinking cans of PBR who pontificate about us (although, god knows we should have). So Round 8 is dedicated to everyone else who grew up in the suburbs. And if you didn’t… well, you probably didn’t miss much. Continue Reading »

Welcome to Day 3 of the Thanksgiving Week tradition! After turning weird on you yesterday, let’s get back to three appealing options (this won’t last, btw). Let’s see how you do as hopefully you’re either already not working, or wrapping up before the 4-day weekend. Decisions, decisions. Continue Reading »

It’s the last scenario of Day 2, and we’re goin’ off the rails on a crazy train! With a few exceptions, it really only gets worse from here people. Your continued support is both appreciated and slightly baffling, but keep it coming! In fact, tell your friends. Like us on Facebook, RT us on Twitter, and permanently scar people you know with these goofy things. Like this one! Continue Reading »

Day 2 at Food Sex or Cars, and it’s time to crank it up a bit. That last scenario is likely one of the hardest you’ve ever had to make in your entire life due to the great big, gaping gobs of awesome it made you choose between. So let’s dial it back a bit. Here are some choices you’ve likely never even thought about. Here’s Round 5. Why do we call it the Macarena Edition? Good luck, everyone! Continue Reading »