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Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars? Best Edition Ever

Day one of Food Sex or Cars has come and gone. It’s great to see so many people participating and having fun, but it’s time we up the ante a bit here on day two. We give you a dinner prepared in the manliest way possible, the most interesting sex in the world, and the premiere way to travel all across the universe. Now get your vote on. Continue Reading »

Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars? Fill ‘Er Up Edition

Welcome to Round 3 of Food Sex or Cars! We close out our first day with a throwdown between a big ol’ breakfast, a hot tamale of a character, and a kickin’ way to get from here to there. Good luck, everyone! We’ll see you tomorrow. Continue Reading »

Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars? Reliability Edition

Here’s your second scenario. It’s specifically designed with the ladies in mind, but to have a realistic shot at winning, you need to answer every scenario we present. So, gay, straight, man, woman… it doesn’t matter. Do your best, and give us your best reasoning. Here’s Round 2 of Food Sex or Cars. Good luck, everyone! Continue Reading »

Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars? Empire State of Mind Edition


Welcome to the 4th Annual edition of Food Sex or Cars!

The rules here are simple. We present you with a scenario, and based on the three choices, you decide which one you’d like to eat, fuck, or drive. You make your choice in the comments section and we tally up the scores at the end of the week. If you’re not registered with Disqus, you can post as a guest. Just please use a consistent posting name, so we can keep an accurate score. We’ll have THREE scenarios a day through Friday going up at 6:00 am, 10:00 am, and 2:00 pm. Voting for all scenarios closes Monday, November 28 at 6:00 p.m. MST.

We’ll reveal the correct answers on Tuesday, November 29 along with the winners. Prizes will be awarded to the top 3 finishers. For a more detailed breakdown of the rules and the prizes, click here.

This is our weirdest year ever thanks in no small part to two-time winner Keithage helping us concoct the scenarios. So, time’s a-wastin’! Let’s get to our first scenario. Hold your cursor over each picture to get a full description of each choice, which is important to making a correct choice. Good luck to everyone! Let’s play Food Sex or Cars! Continue Reading »

Food Sex or Cars?

CJS High Holiday: 4th Annual Food Sex or Cars Competition! Next Week, Sucka!

It’s that time of year, everyone!

Put on your thankful pants, bitches! Because Thanksgiving is here and that means the return of Food Sex or Cars! We return with 3 scenarios per day, and thanks to the involvement of 2-time FSC Winner Keithage, weirder choices than ever! The fun begins Monday and carries all the way through Thanksgiving and on to Black Friday.

For those of you who didn’t play last year, here’s how it works: Continue Reading »


4th Annual Kentucky Derby Awards

Welcome to the 4th Annual CJS Kentucky Derby Awards. We reconvened for the 137th running of the Kentucky Derby at Churchill Downs this past Saturday with a fistful of unhealthy snacks, a brand new cocktail, and a mindset for the day: Needs more horse.

So while we may not write with the vigor we used to (afterall, you’re looking at this 6 days after the Derby has concluded), that has not diminished our appetite for cracking jokes at the expense of NBC’s (admittedly) excellent coverage of the Kentucky Derby. So strap in, because we’ve got adultery jokes, The Big Brown Upside Down Sexual Innuendo Award, fat buglers, horse sex, and the undeniable brilliance of Animal Kingdom. Continue Reading »

Confessional, Holiday

Ghoul Pool 2011

2010 is dead, and we killed it.

Thankfully we did not kill anyone on this list of others who also perished in 2010. This also means everyone that participated in Ghoul Pool 2010 faces no further questioning from authorities regarding any of those deaths.

Will that hold true in 2011? Will CJS Staff and Regulars whiff on all the deaths of the year? Something tells me one of these is going to hit this year, which we have mixed feelings about. Here are the official entrants in Ghoul Pool 2011 here at CJS. If you somehow stuck your thumb up your butt and forgot to submit, leave your three picks in the comments section. Here we go… Continue Reading »

Friday, Holiday

UberHappy Friday: 2010 Year in Review

The last few days of the years is always the time when the internets like to look back at the year that was, and we want to fit in so we’ll be doing the same thing. Our primary resource, ok our only resource, is the goofy shit we like to call Happy Friday. Each week we would comb the World Wide Web looking for the best, oddest, and most interesting stories, or whatever strikes our fancy (fancies?) and share it with all our loyal readers. Now we have meticulously gone through each one of those weekly editions and picked out the best stories of the year. Don’t worry, we won’t bore you with more Kayne or LeBron talk, or bring up the other stories that have been beaten to death. What we do have for you are only the stories and time wasting videos deemed worthy enough for one mega year end round of ass sliding.

Now grab a drink, sit back, get comfortable and enjoy this UberHappy Friday (On a Thursday) 2010 Year in Review Continue Reading »


The Bigass Christmas Post 2010

Two days ‘til Christmas, which means it’s time once again for the Cru Jones Society Bigass Christmas Post. As we did last year (Lee S. Hart’s massive two-part post – Part I is here, Part II is here), and the year before (Dagger’s Bigass Post is here), we’re here to give you all the best, worst, weirdest, and just plain goofiest shit around this Christmas. So come on in for Wookiees, this year’s best Christmas goodies, drunk Irish people calling each other names in song, and the best chance for a breathable atmosphere on Mars.

Happy Christmas, y’all! Continue Reading »

Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars 2010 Winners Revealed!

It’s the moment you’ve been waiting for. Inside this article is the definitive list of correct choices for all three of the basic human desires – foodin’, sexin’, and car-in’. It’s time to find out who is the 2010 Food, Sex, or Cars Master! Should you have any problems with these answers, take it up with us in the comments section, but we’ve run these answers through a world-class thinktank of psychologists, physicists, cryptiosimitists, and other really smart people. Our word is the last word.

Without further ado, here are the 2010 Food Sex or Cars results! Continue Reading »

Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars? Final Vote

Just one last quick reminder that Food Sex or Cars? voting ends Today at 6 P.M. MST so make sure you get all your votes in by then. We’ll tally then up tonight and announce the winners tomorrow!

Dagger and Hart

Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars? Capstone Edition

Welcome to the final scenario of 2010′s Food Sex or Cars! We go out on a suitably weird note and remind you to make sure that you’ve answered all 15 scenarios, checked your work, and wait with baited breath for Tuesday, when we reveal the answers. You have until Monday, November 30, 6:00 pm MT to get all of your answers in. Anything with a later timestamp will not be accepted. On that note, good luck to you all on this last scenario. See you all Tuesday! Continue Reading »

Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars? Hidden Horrors Edition

We round the clubhouse turn here on this year’s Food Sex or Cars with yet another frightening scenario. These choices are fraught with danger, yet look so tantalizing on the surface, it’s hard to resist any one of them. So give it your best shot, and let’s hope you don’t regret it later. Reminder: Voting closes Monday, November 29, at 6:00 MT. Continue Reading »

Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars? Hellish Edition

It’s Black Friday, which means for you retail fuckers that today is the worst day on Earth. To recognize your sacrifice to the weird middle-aged ladies who wake up at 3 a.m. to buy electronics, we dedicate the last three FSC scenarios to you. Remember: Voting ends Monday, November 29 at 6:00 pm MT. We’re on the home stretch now. So let’s get started with what appears to be the worst set of choices this contest has ever seen. Continue Reading »

Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars? Mixed Blessing Edition

Now that you’re nice and full on the couch having endured that giant meal and what was almost certainly some uncomfortable dinner conversation with your family and guests, you feel a touch conflicted, no? Yeah, that meal was awesome, but now your tummy has stretched out and you’ve almost assuredly hopped on the highway to holiday weight gain. With that in mind, here are three choices that serve as their own mixed blessings. Continue Reading »

Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars? Fantasy Edition

Thanksgiving is an overeating fantasyland. Lots of different kinds of starches, a giant bird that makes you all sleepy and toasty inside, everything is covered in delicious gravy, several different kinds of pie, and plenty of booze. So, in order to get you geared up for that onslaught of calories (which assumes you’re reading this as we actually post it, which is weird), we play a little fantasy game of our own. Here’s today’s second FSC scenario. Continue Reading »

Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars? Good Morning Edition

Good morning, and Happy Thanksgiving! Since today is a good day (when do we ever get a Thursday off of work?) we want to start you off right with a nice selection of a fine way to wake up (provided you don’t cook your foot in a George Foreman Grill), a damn fine-looking but unassuming chap, and a quality automobile. Here we go… Continue Reading »

Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars? Mundane Edition

We close out the day with some nice middle of the road choices. Nothing to get real excited about, but nothing to make your skin crawl either. Calm things down a bit so you can start to prepare for the Thanksgiving meal in store tomorrow. So we offer you some comfort food, a comforting smile, and a comfortable ride. Go ahead and rock the vote, you know you want to. Remember we still have two more days, and voting ends Monday at 6 p.m. MST. Continue Reading »

Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars? Piss Shivers Edition

We’re half way through this year’s Food Sex or Cars. The competition is getting fierce and everyone is chiming in with some great comments. Let’s keep it up! For the most part we have given you some relatively tame scenarios, well enough is enough and it’s time for a change. So strap in, read on, and if you need it there is air sickness bag in the seat pocket in front of you. Continue Reading »

Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars? Mythical Edition

It’s the day before Thanksgiving and for those of us who are stuck at work still, it’s a good chance our minds are wandering. So for this edition we reach across space and time for these deep fried, beautiful, and super speedy options. Now may the Schwartz be with you as you make your selections. Continue Reading »

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