Cru Jones Society

This man above is known as Johnny Canuck. He is Canada’s answer to the United States’ Uncle Sam. Remember when the cast of Saved By The Bell worked at the Malibu Sands and Screech was asked to play Uncle Sam for the 4^th of July bash and he showed up dressed as his uncle Sam? It’s nothing like that. What were we talking about? Ah forget it. Read on for the usual Friday links. Continue Reading »

“From city to city, coast to coast Friday night is the night they like to party the most.”

But since you need something to do before the night, CJS has another edition of Happy Friday for your amusement. This is the 22 edition of Happy Friday, so you know the routine. Well? Get to it! Continue Reading »

Yesterday was Election Day, but you already knew that. And if you came here for any election news then you are shit out of luck. I’m no political expert, nor do I play one on T.V. Besides there are probably several dozen websites covering the new President and other election related topics, sites like this one, or this one, and for our younger readers: Myspace.

So instead of half assed information on something important, I will be supplying half informed opinion on something trivial. So I present for your reading pleasure, or at least distraction, the five most popular bands to come from Colorado, and why I hate them. Continue Reading »

It’s November. That means Christmas decorations have been up in most major retail stores for a couple months now. And it used to be about this time when I would begin to dread the inevitable day that I would face near the end of the month: the day after Thanksgiving, the busiest shopping day of the year, Black Friday. Now that I don’t work as a retail whore any more I thought I would take a day and look back at the hell that is Black Friday. Continue Reading »

For those of you who don’t keep track of the date today is Halloween. We’re sure you have big plans of getting dressed up, liquored up, and throwing up, much like our friend up there. Well before you began the shenanigans that help ward off the evil spirits, or whatever the origins of this holiday are, enjoy a spooktacular Happy Friday. Don’t like that pun? Fair enough. Perhaps you’ll enjoy the Halloween jokes courtesy of Clive Bannister and James Bridge at Cracked.com that have been peppered throughout this edition of Happy Friday. Like this one:

Q: What do witches put on their hair?

A: SCARE spray. Continue Reading »

 Halloween will sometimes be a jerk and fall on a weekday. In the past this wouldn’t be a big deal. Now, however, I appear to have grown up and have found a job that requires a daily early morning wake up call. So instead of going out and getting all liquored up I will be forced to stay home and hand candy out to children foolish enough to come around.

I know that once I shut the door after giving them candy they will proceed to mock and judge me based on what I gave them. If you’re like you care what other people, especially people young enough to know what exactly Dora the Explorer does, think of you. Well those cares can be put aside because I am here to tell you what the candy you hand out says about you. Continue Reading »

 Halloween is on Friday. We here at CJS enjoy the holiday and will be bringing Halloween themed post to you all week. So carve the pumpkin, set out the candy bowl, and get your costume. Oh and if you’re in Colorado be sure to bundle up.

Most of us celebrate Halloween once a year, maybe twice if it’s on a weekday. There are some people who try to celebrate it all year. For the most part they are goth kids who have nothing better to do because they don’t have any friends.  However there are few who not only dress like it is Halloween all year, but also have found a way to get paid for it.

As you may have guess these people are musicians, well kind of. Here are five of the biggest acts to milk Halloween all year round, because to some a suit and tie is a costume. Continue Reading »

Since I live alone and rarely have another person to talk to while I watch movies, I ask myself questions that I spend the rest of the evening wrestling with. Last night’s difficult query came courtesy of the film Alien, and no the question was not whether some one could hear you scream in space or not. What I was wondering was if I was given the opportunity, would I partake in space travel. What follows are the pros and cons I took into consideration to answer this conundrum. Continue Reading »

We’re all aware that Canada doesn’t have what it takes to mount a full-scale military invasion of the US. What with being all tucked away under there we feel that our homes are safe from them.

But what if they aren’t? What if Canada has secretly been using slow and subtle tactics in an effort to make the US it’s bitch? Here are a few of the tactics they might be using. Continue Reading »

The soft drink business is a multi-billion dollar industry. So it’s no surprise that I can’t go a single day without seeing a can of the stuff. And since the cans tend to be brightly colored, my attention is grabbed and I find myself staring awkwardly until it angrily asks me what I’m staring at and I reply “Oh, uh, um nothing,” as I fidget and look anywhere else. But as soon it looks away, I start staring again.

Sorry, the personification got away from me there for a moment. The last time I looked at a can I was intrigued by it’s name. I wondered where the name came from, and if it really was the best choice for a name. I mean Mello Yello? Do you want to remind consumers that your drink is the same color as pee? What follows are the origins of the names behind 5 of the more popular soft drinks. Now click the button, read on, and put it in your head. Continue Reading »

If there is one thing I love more than a hot summer afternoon at the ballpark, it’s an icy chilled evening in an arena. Now as much fun as I have watching a live game, whether it be baseball, hockey, or even football (I’m usually drunk at those) there are some things I absolutely hate. What follows are the worst offenders.

Continue Reading »

Hockey season officially started yesterday and I couldn’t be happier. That’s not true, if the Avs hadn’t dropped the home opener to a team from God damned Boston, then I couldn’t be happier. Whatever, there are still 81 more games. So let’s drop the puck and get this Happy Friday underway. Continue Reading »

Yesterday I was awakened by a grumble in my stomach. This was not the usual grumble that was trying to tell me that it was time for cereal. No this grumble was telling me that there was something that decided it wanted to come back up. After spending more time than I would have liked slumped over the toilet I decided that going to work wasn’t an option. So I took a sick day and realized that it sucks.

Continue Reading »

Well, it’s October, and I couldn’t be happier. October is by far my favorite month of the year. A lot of people choose their birth month as their favorite. Mine’s in February when it’s ass cold outside, so that’s lame. Some people will choose a summer month. A lot of people take their vacation during that time and crowd every place up, and I’m not one for crowds. Others, usually children, choose December because they get time off from school and that Christmas thing happens then. I’ve spent the past eight years seeing the ugly side of Christmas and have come to dread December. For me, October has all those months trumped and here’s why. Continue Reading »

Considering it’s baseball week here at the Cru Jones Society, Dagger and I wanted to pay tribute to the finest baseball series on the planet - Major League, Major League II, and *sigh* Major League: Back to the Minors. Taking into consideration I am the only person to ever own the third installment (ever) I was given that one to write about; Dagger took the second; this has lead some CJS readers to believie that Limon would be tackling the first. Well that would be wrong. Limon is playing with tarantulas in the dessert. So Dagger and I fought over who would write the piece about the greatest baseball movie. The results from that fight after the jump.

Continue Reading »

Last summer I became a fan of the South Carolina Buzz. For those unfamiliar with the Buzz, they are the AAA affiliate of the Minnesota Twins. I know most of you may be thinking ‘WTF, Hart? You were born and raised in Colorado, you’ve been and A’s fan for 20 years, and a Rox fan for 12. Why are you into the Twins AAA team?” Well, loyal CJS reader, it’s all because of a film I saw last summer. The film followed the Buzz through their 1998 season, a season that any minor league player would love to have had. Join me as recount this classic tale of the underdog. Continue Reading »

Won’t you be my neighbor? No? Really? I’m quiet, and I keep to myself. I promise not to lower your property value. Why don’t you think about it? Maybe by the end of the article you’ll change your mind. Continue Reading »

I ride the bus everyday to and from work. I enjoy not having to deal with the traffic myself, or search for reasonable parking day after day, or the wear and tear on my car. It also gives me the opportunity to catch up on my reading. What I could do without are all the other people who ride the bus. Continue Reading »

This weekend I walked passed several Goth kids. I could only assume they were heading to the graveyard to write poems about death and how pointless life is. I didn’t judge since I was on my way to spoil my liver and destroy myself one internal organ at a time.

The image of those kids dressed all in black, hanging out at a cemetery kept haunting my head. I soon began to think about death myself. I wasn’t thinking about it a morbid way, well not completely morbid; it is death after all, there’s bound to be some morbidity. I was thinking about it more in a fun way. I was considering the coolest ways to go. Ways that would make someone look twice when they read it in the obituaries. So here they are: The top 5 ways I’d like to die. Continue Reading »

It’s that time of the year when the weather begins to cool, the leaves are on the brink of changing colors, and television is gearing up for new episodes and new series. I can’t say I’m looking forward to any new series, despite NBC’s best efforts to promote them. You watched the Olympics; you know what I’m talking about. Christian Slater is his own worst enemy! Molly Shannon plays plans to annoy the piss out of you… AGAIN!

Sure I’m looking forward to “The Office” and “30 Rock,” but who isn’t? What follows are the four other shows that I’m really looking forward to. Don’t touch that dial, or wait, um touch that mouse and read on? Continue Reading »