Author Archive

Nonsense

Mythical Menagerie

There is an ad campaign for some casino right now using a made up creature called the quadracorn, which is essentially a four horned unicorn. But this quadracorn is owned by some dick cheese who rides it to the airport, and if that isn’t bad enough, instead of tying this creature to the hitching post that are outside all major airports, he rides it inside and is able to get all the way to security and through the metal detector. It’s boggling how this is possible, it’s even more amazing than the mythical creature itself. But the point here is this commercial is fucking stupid. The other point is that for all the awesomeness that can arise from having a mythical or non-existent creature there are plenty of stupid reasons that come with them as well, even if it is just enhancing the jackassery that already resides within people.

With that I have thought about the mythical or non-existent creatures I wish were real and why each one of them would be a stupid mistake. Let’s set the snare and round us up a menagerie. Continue Reading »

Friday

Happy Friday #102: Write Your Own Title Edition

Between Ron Burgundy announcing an Anchorman sequel and trying to figure out if Dagger’s hypothetical question about four legs would mean I have two wangs, my Friday has plenty of distractions. However, others aren’t as simple as I am, and for those people we offer our usual collection of distractions such as Lionel Richie, we know it’s him you’re looking for; a house straight out of a video game, and no it’s not Tetris; fireworks! And we may even teach you how to underline the fuck scenes! Enough jibba jabba, let’s rock this bitch! Continue Reading »

Essay, Movie

When Imagination Can Harm

It’s not uncommon for children to develop an imaginary friend. Perhaps you had one, or maybe a sibling did. I don’t remember having one, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t. My sister had one, she named her Sarah and my young mind assumed it was the triceratops from The Land Before Time. Apparently the only Sarah I knew when I was younger was a cartoon dinosaur. Young life is so awesome.

For the most part people grow out of their imaginary friend, or they get help in moving away from them, or they pretend it’s just their way of organizing their thoughts and that it’s absolutely normal. Or they never outgrow this friend and you probably passed them on the street this morning. Ok, not everyone who keeps their imaginary friend becomes a raving lunatic. Some people are fairly functional members of society. I haven’t met any of these people, but supposedly they exist. Whatever the case I am fascinated by the concept of adults with imaginary friends and what that means. Using three great works of cinema, I’m going to delve more into the made up friends of adults. Continue Reading »

Music

5 Videos From The 90s

I heard The Offspring’s “Pretty Fly For a White Guy” the other day and all I could picture was that stupid cracker from the video. He’s big ugly face that’s as dumb as a butt wouldn’t leave my mind so I took to the internet to sate that appetite. It’s times like this where I miss school and I could do something more than watch nostalgic videos from my younger days. Unfortunately I don’t. So I got caught up watching old videos and after the initial sigh of disappointment, I found myself having fun. Continue Reading »

Music

Songs To Kick Off Your Spring 2012

Spring is in the air, officially. That happened yesterday. I could not be happier. The winter is sucks, powerful sucks. It seems fun at the start with that first snow fall, but then it just drags on and everything is dead and miserable looking and you start to take on those characteristics. But now that is over! Everything is in bloom and the world once again appears new. With the blossoming world around me I felt my speakers needed to feel fresh, new life as well. So I compiled songs that resonate spring, or at least songs that will help kick that last bit of winter off.

So here are 17 songs to kick off your spring! Some Hart trivia for ya, all my mixes have an odd number of tracks. It’s something I have done since I started burning CD’s and doing otherwise feels weird. I was tortured when we did the CJS Punk Mix.

Enough of my weird OCD, let’s put that needle on the record. Continue Reading »

Friday

Happy Friday #100: Century Club Edition

The Ides of March have come and gone, hopefully you made it through without being stabbed 23 times, and if you were at least you’ll have the all the St. Patrick’s Day beers to help you through such a traumatic event. If we may ask, what were you doing that led to so many stabbings? We see the problem there, you left the internet. Well, that’s why we’re here. We come with the gift of internet links to keep you inside and away from Roman conspirators and assassins. That’s right, we do all of this in hopes of keeping you safe.

Oh, and in honor of our 100th Happy Friday we give you 100 links!

Enjoy!

Continue Reading »

Things We Love

Things We Love #28: Drunken Sing-Along

Alcohol is known to lower inhibitions and while this can at times cause problems such as calling the calzone place and demanding to know, “Where my ‘zones at, bitch?” Other times, however, the lack of inhibitions can help you talk that dame or fella you couldn’t talk to, or it will help you best through that one fear most of us seem to have, singing in front of other people. Continue Reading »

Nonsense

Random Musings on a Tuesday Morning

What would a Cru Jones Society anniversary month be without some random musings? Well, a lot like the last anniversary I suppose. That won’t be the case this time. Now I submit to you a collection of the thoughts I have throughout any given day. I hope you’ll enjoy, or at least gain some insight into the mind of Hart. Continue Reading »

Music

More Than Just Sound

At the Experience Music Project there is this room devoted to the guitar, an amazing room. In this room was a video playing featuring classic guitar greats like Les Paul and Django Reinhardt and those who can just make the guitar sing. Meanwhile, in the room next door was an exhibit on Jimi Hendrix, another amazing guitarist. But Jimi Hendrix didn’t make his guitar sing as much as it was screaming. Both rooms filled with excellent guitar playing, yet there are people who would love one room and hate the other. This happens often, actually this happens with anyone who dislikes some kind of music.

I wanted to know why this is the case and I have a theory. Continue Reading »

Friday

Happy Friday #98: Day Dream Believing Edition

Being back means you get all the CJS goodies you once grew accustomed to receiving on a weekly basis, and of course that means the collection of internet goodies we affectionately call Happy Friday. We’ve got all the CJS standards: Tarantino, Youtube videos, and of course BASEBALL!!! All in convenient clickable links to help you waste those last few hours of the work week. So remember how you missed us and click away! Continue Reading »

Essay

The Big Slide

In the movie Sliding Doors we get to see two possible outcomes to Gwyneth Paltrow’s life based on whether she makes or misses the train.  Nice little commentary about how the slightest thing can alter our lives. Since we don’t live in the movies, we only get to see what happens on the one path we choose and the other can only be left to the imagination. However, there are times when we can get a glimpse of what may have been. Perhaps you run into an ex who has gotten incredibly hot, or the car you opted not to buy is recalled for unexplained fires. They’re not always the most significant things, but they usually stop to make you reflect on the choices you made. I recently had such an experience. Continue Reading »

Essay, Movie

Love Actually And My Changeup

Closing pitcher Huston Street has a habit of keeping the final out ball when he converts a save. Seth Smith was unaware of this as he haphazardly tossed a ball to some fans. Street was downtrodden, but with the aid of technology and social networking a call when out in hopes of retrieving the ball. The fans came forth and were more than willing to give Street the ball. This act of selflessness apparently got to Street as he didn’t take the ball, but rather autographed it and gave to the fans.

I like to think most of us felt some happiness when we hear a story like that. The idea of someone doing something that benefits another more than it benefits themselves is an idea that keeps the world from feeling like a cold heartless place. At least that’s how I feel.

However, if this is true then why does a film like Love Actually, which glorifies selfish behavior and shows the selfless being shit on, tend to make me happy? Continue Reading »

Nonsense

Five Places To Wait Out A Zombie Apocalypse

My high school once did an over-night lock-in. Essentially, we spent the night in the school, it was like a sleepover with dozens of people. It wasn’t the sleepover aspect that intrigued me; rather it was being inside the school at a time when I normally wouldn’t be. I felt like I was breaking some kind of rule. That was the kind of dorky goody-good I was.

This sensation is something I have carried with me. A few times I have had to work overnight at my retail job and I was actually excited to go to work. Or now if I’m at the office after the sun has set. I chalk that one up more to being 12 stories up and seeing the city glow. Whatever the case may be, I just enjoy being in place after dark that I’m normally in during the day.

Because of this I can’t wait for a zombie apocalypse forcing me to possibly spend the night in some place other than a house. I never understood mobilizing instead of taking refuge in a situation like that. I would hold up somewhere as long as I could.

These are my top choices.

Continue Reading »

Holiday

Hart’s 2011 Predictions Results Show

In 2011 I went rafting for the first time, I swam in the Arkansas River, and I got my bachelor’s degree. Based on these accomplishments I would say it was a pretty good year. But the real gauge to how well the year went comes from the results of the predictions I made at the start of the year. How can I judge a year based only on the things I never expected to happen? What kind of life is that to live? That is hog wash and I refuse to accept it! Continue Reading »

Friday, Holiday

UberHappy Friday: 2011 Year In Review

There are those who would say you can’t do an UberHappy Friday without doing a Happy Friday for the entire year. Those people don’t work at Cru Jones Society, and if they did we wouldn’t listen to them. Also they said you can’t put a Happy Friday up on a Thursday. Naysayers be damned! This is UberHappy Friday 2011! Continue Reading »

Work

Things I’m Tired Of Hearing From Co-Workers

I have noticed many people seem to have a problem with silence, and they seek to ensure the silence doesn’t exist. This usually entails talking, but unfortunately most people aren’t very apt at the whole talking thing. Sure they are capable of putting words together and forming complete thoughts, but it usually doesn’t entail more than that. Some people seem to be so threatened by the silence they have pocketed select phrases to keep the silence from showing up. I for one am tired of hearing these stupid little phrases, and that fact that people can’t just let the silence linger. Let’s please clean up the work place and eliminate the desire to talk about or say these stupid ass things. Continue Reading »

Music

I’ll Sing Along FOUR-ever

Earlier this year I talked about the amazing punk rock shows I have taken in up to that point. “Actually this has been one of the best concert years for me as the bands I have wanted to see not only tore shit up, but were on tour with some fairly awesome bands.” That’s what I had said and we were only half way through the year. I also went to the Westword Music Showcase as well as seeing Rancid with Blink 182. Both incredible. But none of these would even compare to the Bouncing Souls recent visit to the Mile High City.

Every year in the Souls hometown they play their “Home for Holidays” show. Something many bands do, not a big deal. Last year, or the year before, I would be terrible at writing someone’s biography, the Bouncing Souls decided to try something different and wanted to play songs they haven’t played in some time. So over the four night holiday show they played all their albums start to finish in order. They apparently enjoyed themselves and the audience must have as well because the Bouncing Souls opted to do this same gimmick in 6 other cities across the nation, and Denver was chosen as one of those cities.

This seemed like a rare opportunity and I didn’t want to miss any of it. So I bought tickets to all four shows. I wanted to see every song, what? How do you see a song? I also thought this is probably one of only two bands I would spend four nights watching. The other being Rancid, though they have like a million more songs and that would be rough. Continue Reading »

Music

Top Five Most Played Songs On Hart’s iTunes

In most cases I couldn’t care less about the number of times I do things. I used to count the number of times I’ve seen bands, but as I started to see some bands more and more, in addition to my problem with numbers, I gave up. But recently I have become totally aware of the number of plays counter found on iTunes. I was drawn into it, completely fascinated by it. Then I got angry as I noticed it would go up even if I only listened to the last 15 seconds of a song. I do that a lot when I am making mixes. It’s important to me how a song ends and how that ending works with the start of the next song. I’m sure there some psychological disorder I can classify that behavior under.

Anyway, I started using this information when I made mixes. When I chose a song I would see how often I played that song and if I was close to too much and should choose a different song. I think that’s more of that disorder coming to the surface. Eventually this led me to figuring out which songs I have played the most. I was a little surprised by the results. Not so much in the fact that these are bad songs, but more in they are not really the ones I would have expected. Though if they were what I expected, then I probably wouldn’t have written about them.

So I now give you the Top Five Most Played Songs on Hart’s iTunes. Continue Reading »

Field Trip

Field Trip: Seattle, WA

Not that I really need an excuse to go somewhere, but it’s nice when someone offers one. That’s just what I got when a friend decided to have her wedding in Seattle and invite me. Between work and school it’s hard for me to take a trip, but this was one of my oldest and dearest friends, and the pacific-northwest is awesome. So I checked the box marked “Attending,” or whatever the actual  wording was, then worked my ass off so I could enjoy three days of school-free fun. And I did enjoy those three days! Continue Reading »

Essay, Field Trip

Look What Happened

Sometimes I think it seems like only yesterday that I was in high school doing high school things. It only seems that way though. Turns out it was actually like ten years ago and I know this because I have a concept of time and can do simple arithmetic, but also because I just attended my ten year high school reunion. And contrary to what TV has shown me for years, it was not in our high school gym adorn with banners and some shitty band playing all those shitty songs designed to remind us of a time that once was, though Kristatothemax did force the jukebox to play The Darkness, which is kind of the same.

So the reunion was not what I expected. Or maybe it was. I really didn’t know what to expect. So I threw on my letter jacket and headed to the Wynkoop brew pub ready to embrace whichever weirdos decided to venture out as well. Continue Reading »

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