Cru Jones Society

The view from my office looks right at the State Capitol, so for the last couple of weeks I have gazed upon the vagrant tent city comprising “Occupy Denver.” I find the spirit of this movement somewhat ingratiating and their execution haphazard and mediocre at best. The night the police told them to disperse, I awoke the next morning amused and annoyed by the news report of the evening’s events.

White dudes with dreadlocks stood there yelling at police about how they have a constitutional right to protest their government and the police’s orders to disband were tantamount to tyranny. While it is legal and constitutionally protected to protest the government, it remains illegal to camp overnight in Denver city parks, which is what they were doing. The city has the right to enforce the law, and exercised that right. No one said they couldn’t protest, they just can’t break municipal ordinances. Yet, there was Dreadlocks McGee shouting at the police all blustery about tyranny.

Considering how many members of my generation participate in the “Occupy Wall Street/Denver/Kirk Herbsreit” movement, I’m reminded of how idealistic and driven we can be, but how that drive and determination can turn us into myopic jackasses. Continue Reading »

Sometimes I think it seems like only yesterday that I was in high school doing high school things. It only seems that way though. Turns out it was actually like ten years ago and I know this because I have a concept of time and can do simple arithmetic, but also because I just attended my ten year high school reunion. And contrary to what TV has shown me for years, it was not in our high school gym adorn with banners and some shitty band playing all those shitty songs designed to remind us of a time that once was, though Kristatothemax did force the jukebox to play The Darkness, which is kind of the same.

So the reunion was not what I expected. Or maybe it was. I really didn’t know what to expect. So I threw on my letter jacket and headed to the Wynkoop brew pub ready to embrace whichever weirdos decided to venture out as well. Continue Reading »

“What is ‘real’? How do you define ‘real’?” – Morpheus, The Matrix

No mainstream film of the last decade and a half dealt with the question of how to define reality better, or more extensively, than The Matrix. It took what we saw as fundamental truths about the world and created a universe that turned every last one of them upside down. It subjugated the world as we know it to a world of fantasy, created to nourish the human mind so that our future robot overlords (Who I, for one, welcome!), could continue to harvest us and lord over the world or whatever the fuck (this was the one part of the movie I was unclear on).

While the question of what is real is a fundamental question to humankind and one that has been wrestled with since the dawn of civilization, it’s not one that figures into day to day life for most of us. I probably think about it more than most because I work in a trade where perception is reality, but most of my engineer, geologist, and finance compatriots function in spaces where reality is generally drawn with clearer borders. That’s why it was with great interest (and a note of muted glee) that I was so happy to watch my professional world thrown into minor upheaval, and why I realized the documentary is simultaneously the most powerful and most dangerous form of entertainment today. Continue Reading »

This weekend my friends will make a movie. They don’t know what movie they will make, but they know they will start it Friday night at 7:00 pm, and they will turn it in by Sunday night at 7:00 pm. They can’t tell you what it will be about, where it will take place, or even what the main character’s name is. They can’t tell you about the film’s exciting moments or quippy one-liners. They can’t tell you what kind of movie it is.

My friends are not being coy or difficult. They can’t tell you about their movie because they don’t know anything about it either.

This is the 48 Hour Film Project. And while I will not be joining my friends in their quest for two day cinematic glory this year, I can tell you what it was like last year. Here is the Nebulus Visions / Cru Jones Society story of the 2010 48 Hour Film Project. Continue Reading »

Last summer debate raged over the ending of the movie Inception. I suppose before I go any further I am obligated to inform you of a possible spoiler alert. I will go ahead and just preface this by saying there are several of those throughout this article. Everything I’m going to talk about will be at least a year old. It’s not like I’m telling you how Harry Potter ends (though I’m sure most of you know that), or the big twist in The Zookeeper, or that JT and Mila Kunis can’t just be friends with benefits and end up falling in love. There is a real possibility I am not mentioning anything you haven’t read somewhere else on the internet, but just in case I have warned you and I apologize if I ruin a movie for you.

Now, back to Inception. The end of the movie had everyone wondering if Leo was in a dream or if it was reality. They were picking at every detail to help their case; the house was different, the kids were in the same clothes, the clock read 3:07 which can’t exist in dreams. Any kind of bullshit that helped them to find an answer. All of this bogged down every internet movie site and annoyed the hell out of everyone! Even the film’s writer and director Christopher Nolan who eventually said there is no answer. That’s just the end of the movie. Now shut up. I’m paraphrasing.

I figured Nolan would know what he’s talking about so I dropped it and moved on with my life. Then fast forward to the point when Inception makes its way to my TV and I watch it. I try to just enjoy the story and the amazing effects but I can’t stop myself from picking up little things that may tell me what really happens at the end. I can’t help it. But I’ve noticed I am not the only one. Continue Reading »

As I watched the All-Star Game this year – way to go National League! – I found myself thinking about Casey Anthony. It’s not that Casey Anthony was a can’t-miss power hitting 3^rd baseman or anything (that would have been awesome), it’s because Tim McCarver and Joe Buck, who are both awful, kept talking about Derek Jeter.

McCarver thought Jeter “owed it to the fans” to show up, tip his cap, and make the celebration of his 3,000^th hit a national thing, not just a local one. That’s horseshit. And for several reasons. 1. We all have cable and/or the internet, so anyone who wanted to see it could already watch it in perpetuity over and over again. This is 2010, not 1962 when there were 3 channels and racism was still sort of okay. 2. When have ever had to do that before? I don’t remember having to drop what I was doing to continue to applaud Craig Biggio or Tony Gwynn. 3,000 hits is nice, and quite an accomplishment, but several SportsCenters in a row dissecting it is enough. 3. That means Jeter would have had to fly across the country, continue to get hounded by media, then fly back, and play Thursday. That’s not rest, that’s unnecessary PR hassle.

That didn’t stop McCarver from bitching about it, which led me to think about all the noise about Casey Anthony. People who shouldn’t even have an opinion about it were going on and on, and the dialogue was becoming less and less cogent.

In today’s feature, let’s look at three pressing issues (two national, one personal) and try to figure out what the fuck is going on. We’re squawking, but do we even know why? Maybe, maybe not. Continue Reading »

That Charlie Sheen thing didn’t last long, did it?

From approximately early January (I can’t be certain of the exact begin date considering a search of the AV Club’s archives turns up 164 answers to the query “Charlie Sheen”) when the country learned of Charlie’s crazy substance abuse superpowers, his desire to create a porn family, the tiger blood, winning (duh!), and all the other seemingly unbelievable (read: Holy shit, this is actually happening in reality?!?) until about – what, May at some point? – when CBS announced Ashton Kutcher as Sheen’s replacement on “Two and a Half Men” we were all fully within the crazy Charlie Sheen vortex.

Think about the elements of this story for a moment. You’ve got the star of the #1 sitcom in the United States, hookers, cocaine, Twitter, the president of the #1 network in the United States, something called “vanity cards,” porn stars, an eager public, and professional publicity exploiter Dr. Drew all involved. It’s a huge fucking story, but lasts only 4 months.

Why? Our culture churns and burns this stuff at a clip thought previously unimaginable and turns the page like a meth addict reading a manual on how to smoke meth more efficiently. The Charlie Sheen thing left with barely a whisper about Ashton Kutcher as the new star of the nation’s #1 sitcom, and was promptly shown the door by the revelation that the most recent former Governor of California, not to mention star of no less than 7 movies that grossed over $100 million, banged his house maid, fathered her child that is the same age as one of his children whom he had with his wife, and is currently trying to make some sort of Terminator reboot. This event, it bears mentioning, is greeted with a mere shrug among the people I know despite it being abstractly the biggest political/celebrity scandal in over 10 years.

What’s the point of all this? Weirdness is dead. I am simultaneously shocked all the time, and yet surprised by nothing. Our culture has reached satiation point and there is nowhere left to go. Good luck. Continue Reading »

“It isn’t enough for Bridesmaids to be a great comedy; it has to be a comedy that transcends the lady-movie ghetto, thereby becoming the thing to which all lady movies aspire. We don’t have the vocabulary to talk about what it is, so we elevate it into something it isn’t: a paradigm shift, a game-changer, whatever.” – Genevieve Koski , “Why Bridesmaids won’t save the ‘chick flick’ and shouldn’t have to,” AVClub.com

Lady E and I saw Bridesmaids this weekend and both laughed our asses off. Like most of Judd Apatow’s oeuvre, the movie has a laugh out loud quotient higher than almost anything else out there thanks to spirited and inventive profanity, humor driven from fully realized characters, and gross out gags that don’t hold back. Also like the rest of his work, the movie underlines a very sad protagonist that balances the comedy with understated poignancy. Real problems don’t have easy solutions, and the troubles faced by the characters in Bridesmaids don’t resolve easily either.

For as interesting a piece as Bridesmaids is, what I found more interesting was the dialogue Lady E and I had after the movie over giant mason jars of beer. I made the crack that we both should have been wearing our “This is what a feminist looks like” t-shirts while we chatted, but ultimately I came to realize something similar to what Ms. Koski argues above. I have very little distinction between male and female comedy anymore. Funny is funny. And that’s a good thing. Continue Reading »

When I was a kid, Randy’s Mother (aka Macho Mom) would always make sure that Randy would put aside tickets for when the WWF or WCW would come to Chicago. During a show in 1992 or 1993, me and my brother were actually granted the opportunity to go backstage. For the 6-year-old me, this was the most awesomest thing possible.

I don’t remember what happened during the show, but I do have a vague memory of what happened when I was able to go backstage. I’m not sure of what my expectations were of going backstage, but at that point in my life I was sure of 3 things: Wrestling was 100% real, there were Good Guys who were super heroes, and there were Bad Guys that were super villains.

We were met backstage by some WWF people who were leading us into the locker room area, and we were brought to Randy to say hello. There were a bunch of other wrestlers around, which was really cool but there was one problem: the good guys were hanging out and being cordial to the bad guys! Seeing good guys like Brett Hart sharing laughs with bad guys like Jake “The Snake” Roberts was almost traumatic to see; like seeing your Dad french kiss your aunt. It simply wasn’t supposed to happen.

I was sad, scared and confused. I gathered up the courage to ask why the Good Guys were friends with the Bad Guys. Randy said, “We’re not. We’re just tricking them. You’ll see.”

After this, a WWF rep was showing us some other areas of the backstage. I don’t remember what we saw, but I know when we circled back to the area where Randy was, all of the wrestlers I had seen before were back in character. Bad guys were yelling at Good Guys about how they were going to kick their butt and Good Guys were holding each other back from attacking the bad guys.

This. Was. Awesome. It IS real! Of course it is!

Randy didn’t know me too well, but he cared enough about a young fan and professional wrestling to keep the illusion and innocence alive.

While, as I said earlier, I cannot claim that we were particularly close, I do send my condolences to those in our family who were. He made a lot of people happy.

The above is not my story, but it’s my favorite tribute to “Macho Man” Randy Savage I’ve read over the last four days. It belongs to a gentleman named Adam, who was Randy Savage’s second cousin, and it was sent to Drew Magary of Deadspin who included it in his latest edition of the Funbag. 

“Macho Man” Randy Savage died Friday of a car crash in Tampa, Florida. This is my tribute to him. Continue Reading »

It’s the Sixth of May and you’re probably asking, “Where the hell is Hart’s annual Cinco de Mustache post?” Well, it’s half-assedly right here. It’s not to say I didn’t grow a stache, because I did and it has driven my female friends away in, well, droves. Keithage’s, though, caught the attention of one waitress last weekend. She wouldn’t leave our table alone, and was all about him while practically ignoring me. She even took his order then left without taking mine. Oh well, it just meant I could watch the hockey game and not pretend I cared about what she had to say.

Anyway, I don’t really know what more I can write about this holiday every year. I’ll start brainstorming and plan something for next year, but for this all you get is that picture above and a song.

I thought I would instead talk about another change my body recently went through. Continue Reading »

I realize I’ve been wrong. I’ve been myopic in my focus, lacking in nuance in my approach, and needlessly limiting myself to but one form.

Why have I merely limited myself to poking fun at simple relationship articles, when there’s a whole internet full of stupid shit to make fun of?  

And first up: That bastion of delightfully pointless claptrap you don’t even bother to read in the waiting room of your dentist’s office – Reader’s Digest! Continue Reading »

At the intersection of technology and obsolescence sits the podcast. Without a doubt, the technology of the iPod revolutionized the way we consume our culture in its sleek appearance, easy-as-pie interface, and seemingly limitless storage capacity. The iPod made all technology from the charmingly archaic Walkman, the comparatively cumbersome Discman, and the thoroughly misdirected mini-disc player look like relics from the Temple of Doom.

Yet, what is one of the fastest growing formats played on this tiny little morsel of technology? It’s the most outmoded form of social interaction you can possibly have – a long, meandering conversation with someone else free from interruption, format restrictions, or FCC constraints. A conversation you can have at a pub in 2011, or on the goddamn prairie in 1835. Sure, the content would be different, but the spirit remains very much the same.

The podcast is the perfect marriage of technological advancement and that which we decry is missing from many of our interactions in day-to-day life: real depth, real connection, and real conversation. Technology we blame on alienating us is also bringing us together in unexpected ways. It’s a culture come full circle, and I’m here to tell you why it means so much to me. Continue Reading »

With Food Sex or Cars now in the rearview for 2010, we turn toward closing out the year which means going to some our stock articles until the end of the year. We plan to look back at the year that was, writing one big old obituary for all the celebrities we lost, and tackling once again the red and green menace that insists upon your attention like the demanding mistress it is.

But before we get there – it is only the second week of December after all – here are five random things deserving comment that I can’t figure out how to weave into a cohesive narrative. Continue Reading »

Subject: RE: Guest Post for Cru Jones Society?
From: <edagger@crujonessociety.com>
Date: Thu, November 11, 2010 5:29 pm
To: ___@mydogatemyblog.com

[Name redacted], 

That email was not returned, so welcome to a public shaming. Here is:

How NOT To Partner in Social Media (Or… “How My Dog Ate My Blog Fucked CJS”) Continue Reading »

(Here is our companion post for MDAMB, the way it should have looked. It’s here for your enjoyment.)

College was awesome. Given our current workaday grind, we all miss it from time to time. If college was not the best time ever for you, then clearly you’re either some impossibly rich asshole now, or you rowed crew and pointlessly woke up at 4:30 every morning to play a sport no one likes or cares about.

Despite generally being the best time of our lives, it’s possible we’re looking back at things through rose-colored glasses. You seem never to read a single line about the things from college that sucked. And despite your likely failure of being able to call even a single one of those things to mind at the moment, that’s why we’re here. Here are five things the Cru Jones Society DOESN’T miss about college. Continue Reading »

(Today’s post comes courtesy of J. Gustav, a guest blogger for our new friends My Dog Ate My Blog. We posted an article of the same basic thrust (heh heh, thrust…) over at their homebase, ri’chere. So let’s make Mr. Gustav welcome. Give him lots of love and lots of comments. Take it away, new friend!)

Just one year removed, I miss college. It was a time in my life without real responsibility and made for some great memories. I lived close to or with all my friends, it was easy to meet girls, and I could drink myself stupid on a Monday afternoon completely guilt free (and without being tagged as an alcoholic). Those were the days. But in hindsight, it was not simply an idyllic time in a booze-filled Eden. There were actually some parts of it I am glad I will never have to experience again. Here are the top 5 things we don’t miss about college life. Continue Reading »

Even though I was unfortunate and wasn’t able to go on the trip to Tucson, or maybe because I couldn’t go, I have been thinking a lot about vacations. I am more than ready to take one and I keep thinking about possible ones. However, it seems silly to speculate about how future vacations will turn out, after all I don’t know which vacation it will be that I get VD, hopefully none, but you never know. So instead, I though I would look back on my favorite trips I took as an adult.

I wanted to specify adult trips because there is something different about the trips one takes as a child and the ones as an adult. As a child almost every trip seems awesome. There’s no school and no cares. Your parents are taking care of all the arrangements and planning and everything. You just get to show up and have fun. But at the same time you’re at the mercy of your parents. They call all the shots and are just there. Plus the one key element that can change a lot of trips: booze.

Now that that’s set, let’s get on with it. Continue Reading »

One of the only benefits of being home sick – by the way, I’m in that super awesome phase of hacking my lungs out all day on the road to recovery – is that you get to watch awesome daytime television. Even though Drew Carey is redefining levels of awful as the new “Price Is Right” host, the games are so much fun, you can’t help but still love the show. And did you know they remade “Let’s Make a Deal”? (I’m) Wayne Brady (Bitch!) is the host and people still inexplicably dress in costumes and win things like outdoor theaters and get zonked. Although it feels more sanitized than the 1970s version (what doesn’t?), I still got a big kick out of it, which is about all you can hope for on a sick day.

Of course, neither “The Price Is Right” or “Let’s Make a Deal” hold a candle to the sheer entertainment value and unintentional hilarity of a Brinks Home Security commercial. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Then you’ve obviously never had your front door kicked in Van Damme-style while you casually jogged on the treadmill, have you? Continue Reading »

Halloween season is upon us and seeing all the costumes got me thinking about people who were costumes all year around, no not actors, or police officers, or athletes; I’m talking about super heroes. It has been a while since I nerded the place up and I figure it was time to do it. What I have here are four things that have always bothered me about the Marvel Comics Universe. Now it’s clobberin’ time so let’s get to it. Continue Reading »

Dear Men’s Wearhouse,

I have been dressing in business casual clothing for nearly a decade now and despite having a couple of friends who once worked at a Men’s Wearhouse, I never visited your establishment until I was made best man for a wedding. The grunt work was done and all I had to do was go in to be fitted and eventually pick up my rental. That is when things got ugly. Continue Reading »