Cru Jones Society

Halloween is the gateway drug of holiday weight gain. The sugary foyer to your mansion of wintry flab. As a kid, you spend Halloween and the following weeks (or week if you were a fat kid) gorging yourself on assorted fun-size candy bars, bags of candy corn, god-awful hard candy, and the Book of Mormon (apparently). As an adult, you do basically the same thing with liquor standing in place of candy. Either way, carbs = happy! And just think, it only serves as the amuse bouche to the gorgefest of Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and the Super Bowl! Hooray!

Here’s a way to really get a jump start on ruining that summer body of yours and storing up extra padding for the cold winter ahead. Forget limiting your sugar intake to the later hours of the day. That’s amateur hour. Penny-ante. Poppycock. Instead, start your day with these Halloween-themed breakfast treats like a real man (or woman)! Continue Reading »

 Halloween will sometimes be a jerk and fall on a weekday. In the past this wouldn’t be a big deal. Now, however, I appear to have grown up and have found a job that requires a daily early morning wake up call. So instead of going out and getting all liquored up I will be forced to stay home and hand candy out to children foolish enough to come around.

I know that once I shut the door after giving them candy they will proceed to mock and judge me based on what I gave them. If you’re like you care what other people, especially people young enough to know what exactly Dora the Explorer does, think of you. Well those cares can be put aside because I am here to tell you what the candy you hand out says about you. Continue Reading »

Everyone always frets about what to be for Halloween, especially Lady E. It’s for this reason that I’ve taken to assertively suggesting what she should be each Halloween, which not only saves her the brain damage of thinking for more than 10 seconds about a holiday she’s not especially fond of, but I get to see her in some damn fine ensembles to boot. I love Halloween, so this is a job I relish.

That’s why I’m here right now. If any of you are suffering from Halloween costume indecision or ambivalence, the following pages are your salvation. I’ve pored over hundreds of Halloween costume websites (actually, four) and posted 30 of the more interesting selections here for your perusal. Each costume included here is also award-winning - award-winning in the sense that I found the goofiest ones and wrote fake awards for them - and has a brief description of who the costume is perfect for, and what you’re likely to encounter should you wear it. Let’s get started. Continue Reading »

 Halloween is on Friday. We here at CJS enjoy the holiday and will be bringing Halloween themed post to you all week. So carve the pumpkin, set out the candy bowl, and get your costume. Oh and if you’re in Colorado be sure to bundle up.

Most of us celebrate Halloween once a year, maybe twice if it’s on a weekday. There are some people who try to celebrate it all year. For the most part they are goth kids who have nothing better to do because they don’t have any friends.  However there are few who not only dress like it is Halloween all year, but also have found a way to get paid for it.

As you may have guess these people are musicians, well kind of. Here are five of the biggest acts to milk Halloween all year round, because to some a suit and tie is a costume. Continue Reading »

Today is August 28. It’s the 45 year anniversary of Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech in Washington. Today Barack Obama will become the first black person ever nominated for president by a major political party. Today is also the birthday of Jack Black, Shania Twain, LeAnn Rimes, Daniel Stern, Jason Priestley, and Olympic swimmer Janet Evans. It also happens to be my birthday.

I’m 27 today, and I have the distinction of sharing the day of a hero’s most important speech. The “I Have a Dream” speech is one of the finest pieces of oratory ever constructed in this country, and I find it amazing that it shares the same calendar date as my birthday.

I also find it amazing that I share the same birthday as the brilliant actor that played off-kilter Cubs pitching coach Phil Brickma in Rookie of the Year.

Okay, that’s not amazing, but since it’s my birthday, I got to thinking about who I share the day with. That led me to consider everyone I had ever idolized growing up, the people I used to emulate, and the people I aspired to mirror in my growth. Unfortunately for me, aside from my parents, this list does not contain many “great people” like Martin Luther King. Fortunately for you, there’s plenty of obscure cultural icons to laugh at as I die a little bit inside pondering my superficiality. Let’s journey through a scrapbook of E Dagger’s heroes, shall we? Continue Reading »

So far in this month we, or some people, have celebrated Independence Day and Canada Day. But why should we stop there? In keeping with the international holiday theme of July I would like to wish all the CJS readers a happy Bastille Day. Continue Reading »

Today is Canada Day. I don’t have too much to say aboot it, just wanted to make sure everyone is aware. So instead of telling the hosers you know to take off, ask them to join you for a jelly and beer, eh.

lee.s.hart@crujonessociety.com

I’d like to begin by saying that I am in no way shitting on anybodies heritage or anything along those lines. This is just another way to have some fun on the 5^th of May. So, along with Cinco de Mayo, let’s also enjoy Cinco de Moustache!

Continue Reading »

To liven up your normally mundane Thursday routine, celebrate National High Five Day today.

National High Five Day is a holiday designed by (who else?) bored college kids at the University of Virginia scheduled to fall on the third Thursday of April every year. That means today when you meet a new client, high five him when he sticks his hand out to meet you! Ordering that bag of Harvest Cheddar (apparently) Sun Chips from Subway? High five the clerk your money instead of boringly handing it to her! Asleep at your desk for two hours and no one notices? Self high five!

Of course, I would be remiss in discussing this holiday if I didn’t mention one of our very own commenters here on the Cru Jones Society. Today is simply known as “Thursday” to our very own jitterrawks. Jitter made the decision at some point in college to stop shaking hands with everyone, and switched to a high-five-only system of introductions. I thoroughly enjoyed watching middle-aged adults get disheartened by her unyielding request for a high five and then reluctantly hold their hand up for the impending slap. A particularly uncomfortable moment occurred when I watched her earn her college diploma and high five the Dean of the Liberal Arts College.

Jitter, enjoy the only day on the calendar when this greeting isn’t considered weird!

As for everyone else, have fun annoying your bosses, significant others, convenience store clerks, homeless people, and neighborhood haberdashers.

High five.

(Thanks to twodogszk for sending me this picture and unknowingly inspiring this post).