Cru Jones Society

Welcome to the first Confessional of the new year. And it’s a morbid one, so the Confessional title is certainly apropos. Choosing celebrity death is always a decidedly creepy task, so if there’s any place to do this and experience the requisite guilt of deciding which famous people are going to bite the dust this year, it’s definitely the Confessional.

For those of you new here, the Confessional is where we ask you a question, you respond via email, and we compare notes on the topic. It’s open to everyone, so don’t be shy and join us. This week’s question was Ghoul Pool ’10: Which three celebrities will die in 2010? CJS Staff responds first and then we turn it over to our readers. Our new question is at the bottom.

Alright, time to spin the wheel of destiny! Let’s see who we all think is going to move to that big press junket in the sky. It’s time to play Ghoul Pool ’10! Continue Reading »

We waited until the last few hours of 2009 to post our year in review piece. And since you’re likely reading this on Friday (or later), that means 2010 has already arrived, so Happy New Year from the CJS!

Each Friday we’ve sought to bring you hours upon hours of time wasting goodness to glide you effortlessly into the weekend while putting off that lousy “work” yet another week while you watch awesome videos of Keyboard Cat and other such stuff on the last day of your sentence each week in the white collar gulag.

In going through the 47 Happy Fridays from the past year, we realized we’d offered you more than 700 links to all sorts of weird stuff from all over the interwebs. Today, we take a look back at some of the biggest stories throughout the year, a few more year-end retrospectives, our favorite sites, and some plain old random funny junk too. I personally re-read every Happy Friday from 2009, and I’ll tell you one thing: Hart’s doing this next year. Jesus Christ, that’s too many links.

Welcome to UberHappy Friday: 2009 Year in Review! Continue Reading »

Gambling is fun. Our love of Las Vegas is well documented. We’ve played the ponies in Del Mar. And since Lady E and I have been to a zillion weddings in the last five years, we gamble at those too. So why not gamble on dead celebrities? That’s why we want you to send us your 3 CJS Ghoul Pool selections this week to display next week in the Confessional. Just pick 3, and fire ‘em off to staff@crujonessociety.com. Whoever does the best wins a handsome prize at the end of 2010.

For now, let’s take a look back at who that cruel mistress known as 2009 took from us. Continue Reading »

Welcome back to the Monday Confessional where today we asked you the question: What are the things that you love and hate about the Christmas season? We’re guessing most of you were too busy last week either with your endless supply of merriment or your persistent staving off the desire to drink a quart of vodka and open a couple of veins in the bathtub to respond this week, but we forgive you. The holidays are crazy times for everyone, but despite the annual insanity, the Cru Jones Society must continue to forge ahead.

After this week’s responses, check out next week’s question because there will be a prize for whomever answers it best. We’ll also have a word about our schedule, and what to look for in the new year. But for now, let’s focus on the joys and miseries of the Christmas season. Continue Reading »

Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg. The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Joker got away. What, you thought just because it’s Jesus’ birthday I would stay classy? Not a chance! This is a day of fun and joy, so let’s all have fun and let’s all enjoy. The presents are unwrapped, the Christmas goose is cooking (does anybody actually cook and eat a goose on Christmas?), so why not take a break and spend some time with your friends at CJS? I got part two of The Bigass Christmas Post ready for consumption.  It’s kind of like that one last present you find hidden in the back, a fun surprise after a morning of joy. Now pull off the bow, and read on. Continue Reading »

It has been said the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear, but we don’t have audio here so we attempt to spread Christmas cheer with our annual Big Ass Christmas Post. If everyone else can do their best to exploit this holiday, then I ask you why can’t we? Ok that was rhetoric. I am well aware there are many reasons why we shouldn’t, but to hell with it, we’re going to anyway. Consider it our gift to you this season to help put you in a chipper holiday mood, or to remind you just exactly why you hate this time of year. That decision is entirely up to you.

Make sure your tree is lit and your stockings are hung. I plan on stuffing those bad boys with a bunch of Christmassy goodness. Now pour some eggnog, hot cocoa or just straight booze and let’s rip this present open like we’re seven years old! Continue Reading »

Chanukah has come and gone; Christmas is but a few days away and we all know the important part of these two holidays is the presents. You stay good all year in hopes of that one perfect gift, and when you do get that gift it makes the day, or 8, that much more special. To that end we asked the question: What was the best gift you ever received for Christmas, or Chanukah? We’ll take a look at the gifts left at the CJS houses first, and then off to the homes of some of readers to see what they got. Continue Reading »

Hope everyone has recovered from their Halloween weekend on this fine Monday morning. Dagger and Lady E dressed as red carpet ready couple Wednesday Addams and WWE Superstar Chris Jericho while Lee S. Hart spent the night dressed as “suit-wearing wedding guest” at a non-costumed wedding that inexplicably took place on Halloween. Who does that?

Whatever the reason, he didn’t get to dress up this year, but that didn’t stop him from responding to this week’s question: What was your best Halloween costume of all-time? So as you ease out of that diabetic coma from all of this weekend’s candy and gradually regain your equilibrium from all the ill-advised Jell-O shots you swallowed, let’s take one last look at Halloween and revel in the best sartorial choices of the CJS Staff and Regulars on the best night of the year. Continue Reading »

Halloween is in two days, CJS Regulars, and if you don’t have your costume figured out by now… well, you’re pretty much screwed. You can head on down to the costume store that’s open 2 months a year, but you’re bound to find a ravaged store with only a few aerosol cans of green hair dye, a plastic reaping scythe, and a plus-sized Caribou Barbie costume from last year that’s already been torn open. Should’ve planned in advance! 

As we did last year, we’re here to take you through this year’s selection of dumbest costumes and instead of handing out individual awards to them, we’re counting down the worst, weirdest, and weeniest out there. We’ve got 21 dorkalicious getups to get through here (10 male, 10 female, 1 couples costume – all found at Halloweencostumes.com), so let’s not delay any further. Let the countdown commence! Continue Reading »

Hope everyone had a happy Independence Day. CJS spent the weekend the traditional American way by drinking beer out plastic Solo cups, out of bottles, out of cans, and out of a hollowed out plastic yard flamingo. When we were devising Confessional topics, the original question for this week was something to the effect of “How do you spend your 4^th?” When we realized everyone would respond with some sort of combination of barbecuing, drinking, and watching things blow up in the sky, we changed it up.

So last week we asked: “What is something you love about America?” hoping we’d get a diverse snapshot of patriotic pride. While we didn’t get what we hoped for, we received a couple. Check those out inside, and be sure to stay tuned for next week’s question. But for now, in the words of the World Police – “America, Fuck Yeah!” Continue Reading »

Every so often a holiday comes along that embraces a heritage I have absolutely no connection with. Such a thing happened yesterday with Cinco de Mayo. While I don’t want to take anything away from any culture, I want to have some fun too. And since I don’t find the time honored custom of cruising up and down Federal to be the barrel of monkeys it’s made out to be, I have gone out to find other fun. I recruited a few friends in joining me to celebrate Cinco De Mustache: a celebration of upper lip hair. Continue Reading »

After a hiatus that lasted achingly too long, we’re back with a vengeance. 2008 was widely regarded as a year of shit, although the staff at CJS took incredible steps in our real jobs, some in our personal lives, and definitely in our ability to cater to an audience that refuses to make the most of its work day. We’re here once again with daily updates, with a brand new interactive Facebook page, with merchandise to show everyone how badass a BMX movie/Internet comedy site can be (check out the third tab on the mainpage for more details), and a reinvigorated Senor Limon.

We thought of no better way to kick off the biggest year in CJS history (True, we’re not even through a complete first year – shut up.) than to preview the year to come. Dagger, Hart and Limon have compiled their answers to the year’s most burning questions. We’ve covered death, movies, music, politics and a whole metric fuckton more. Come on inside for a massive staff-wide post to kick off the new year. And stay tuned, because at the end we’re launching a brand new weekly feature that requires the participation of all the CJS readers. So strap in, friends. CJS is back, and we’re better than ever. Continue Reading »

This Happy Friday is slightly different in a couple of ways. First of all it’s on a Monday. Second, in addition to a few current news stories we have gone through and picked out some links from past Happy Fridays, either stories that were a big deal in ’08, or stories that we just plain liked. We put this off long enough so let’s get to it. Continue Reading »

As Billy Mack, the shameless, over-the-hill pop crooner unabashedly selling out for a quick holiday paycheck from the movie Love Actually says, “Christmas is all around us.” Since many stores started celebrating this fucking holiday back in September, it’s actually been around us for several months. And considering no matter what shape the economy’s in, fit as a fiddle or looking like coma-afflicted Adrian from the interminable middle part of Rocky II, every other news story focuses on how retailers are faring this year. With the economy resembling Adrian this year while Rocky pisses away weeks of valuable training made all the more important by his busted left eye, the stories are coming double time this year.

Since there’s no escaping the Christmas juggernaut, and considering it’s Christmas Eve (why aren’t you with your family already, you vagrant?) let’s take a look at the best and worst of this holiday. Although it’s most likely too late for you to do anything with this information, it’s never too early to prepare for next year, is it? I’m looking in your direction Walgreens with your Christmas aisle mocking the calendar last September. Without further ado, here’s your Christmas awards for 2008. Continue Reading »

After spending the weekend in a consistent drunken state the last thing I wanted to do yesterday was anything Christmas related. So like most Sundays I put the fun aside and did what I had to do. This Sunday I had to wrap the Christmas presents, god I hate wrapping presents. This got me thinking about the thing I hate most about the holiday season: the Christmas carol The 12 Days of Christmas. Continue Reading »

It’s that time of year where the television bombards us with an absolute shit storm of  Christmas programming. You know what I’m talking about: It’s a Wonderful Life, A Christmas Story, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, one of the thousands of versions of A Christmas Carol, etc. Last night was no different as “A Charlie Brown Christmas” made its way into my living room. I actually like this one and watched it. It’s a feel good story. I mean really, who can forget that drooping little tree? This is the second Charlie Brown special I have watched within a month so I thought I would chat a little about Good Ol’ Chuck and the rest of the Peanuts gang. Continue Reading »

Halloween is the gateway drug of holiday weight gain. The sugary foyer to your mansion of wintry flab. As a kid, you spend Halloween and the following weeks (or week if you were a fat kid) gorging yourself on assorted fun-size candy bars, bags of candy corn, god-awful hard candy, and the Book of Mormon (apparently). As an adult, you do basically the same thing with liquor standing in place of candy. Either way, carbs = happy! And just think, it only serves as the amuse bouche to the gorgefest of Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and the Super Bowl! Hooray!

Here’s a way to really get a jump start on ruining that summer body of yours and storing up extra padding for the cold winter ahead. Forget limiting your sugar intake to the later hours of the day. That’s amateur hour. Penny-ante. Poppycock. Instead, start your day with these Halloween-themed breakfast treats like a real man (or woman)! Continue Reading »

 Halloween will sometimes be a jerk and fall on a weekday. In the past this wouldn’t be a big deal. Now, however, I appear to have grown up and have found a job that requires a daily early morning wake up call. So instead of going out and getting all liquored up I will be forced to stay home and hand candy out to children foolish enough to come around.

I know that once I shut the door after giving them candy they will proceed to mock and judge me based on what I gave them. If you’re like you care what other people, especially people young enough to know what exactly Dora the Explorer does, think of you. Well those cares can be put aside because I am here to tell you what the candy you hand out says about you. Continue Reading »

Everyone always frets about what to be for Halloween, especially Lady E. It’s for this reason that I’ve taken to assertively suggesting what she should be each Halloween, which not only saves her the brain damage of thinking for more than 10 seconds about a holiday she’s not especially fond of, but I get to see her in some damn fine ensembles to boot. I love Halloween, so this is a job I relish.

That’s why I’m here right now. If any of you are suffering from Halloween costume indecision or ambivalence, the following pages are your salvation. I’ve pored over hundreds of Halloween costume websites (actually, four) and posted 30 of the more interesting selections here for your perusal. Each costume included here is also award-winning – award-winning in the sense that I found the goofiest ones and wrote fake awards for them – and has a brief description of who the costume is perfect for, and what you’re likely to encounter should you wear it. Let’s get started. Continue Reading »

 Halloween is on Friday. We here at CJS enjoy the holiday and will be bringing Halloween themed post to you all week. So carve the pumpkin, set out the candy bowl, and get your costume. Oh and if you’re in Colorado be sure to bundle up.

Most of us celebrate Halloween once a year, maybe twice if it’s on a weekday. There are some people who try to celebrate it all year. For the most part they are goth kids who have nothing better to do because they don’t have any friends.  However there are few who not only dress like it is Halloween all year, but also have found a way to get paid for it.

As you may have guess these people are musicians, well kind of. Here are five of the biggest acts to milk Halloween all year round, because to some a suit and tie is a costume. Continue Reading »