Cru Jones Society

It’s 4:50 p.m. MST as I type this and I’m watching the Brock Lesnar/Randy Couture countdown show hyping UFC 91 tonight. I have no doubt in my mind that Brock Lesnar will positively beat the hell out of Randy Couture tonight and win the UFC Heavyweight Title. Continue Reading »

If there is one thing I love more than a hot summer afternoon at the ballpark, it’s an icy chilled evening in an arena. Now as much fun as I have watching a live game, whether it be baseball, hockey, or even football (I’m usually drunk at those) there are some things I absolutely hate. What follows are the worst offenders.

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Considering it’s baseball week here at the Cru Jones Society, Dagger and I wanted to pay tribute to the finest baseball series on the planet - Major League, Major League II, and *sigh* Major League: Back to the Minors. Taking into consideration I am the only person to ever own the third installment (ever) I was given that one to write about; Dagger took the second; this has lead some CJS readers to believie that Limon would be tackling the first. Well that would be wrong. Limon is playing with tarantulas in the dessert. So Dagger and I fought over who would write the piece about the greatest baseball movie. The results from that fight after the jump.

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The sequel used to be tricky business. As a filmmaker, you used to have to try and stay true to the original film while advancing the story in an interesting fashion and evolving the characters. That is - back when studio executives actually gave a shit about any of their products. Now it seems that more sequels come out each year than original films (you can lump remakes in here as well). I mean, Christ, 6 of the top 10 movies of 2007 were not only sequels, but most of them were THE THIRD in the series. Six of the top ten! Are we playing it safe? Are we running out of ideas? Are we too afraid of change? Were people really that desperate to see another installment of National Treasure or Shrek? I need answers!

Of course, at least most of the time these days, the filmmakers try to invent a new adventure in which our favorite friends take part - Jack Sparrow, Will Turner, and Elizabeth Swann execute an impossible-to-follow series of double crosses in order to… actually I’m not really sure who was trying to achieve what in that third Pirates movie - but there was a time when it was clear the filmmakers truly just did not give a crap. The studio came knocking on their doors with armfuls of cash to pump out a sequel like yet another peculiarly named Sarah Palin child, and the filmmakers snickered as they did their best to see if they could get away with handing in the exact same script with minor adjustments without anyone at the studio noticing.

Obviously, this tactic worked at least a few times. Tell me Home Alone 2 was fundamentally any different than the first one. Convince me that the basic structure of Wayne trying to win back Cassandra from her richer and better-looking producer changed somewhere between Wayne’s World and Wayne’s World 2. And even though they played the evil nation of Iceland in D2, the fact that Averman, Goldberg, and Spazzway still play worse hockey than your average local chapter of Jerry’s Kids renders it indecipherable from the original.

You could make the same case for Major League II. And basically, you’re not wrong. Except that I’m here to tell you that, no, in fact, you ARE wrong, dear CJS reader. Here are the main ways in which Major League II differs from (and in many ways is superior to) the original, and great, Major League. Continue Reading »

Last summer I became a fan of the South Carolina Buzz. For those unfamiliar with the Buzz, they are the AAA affiliate of the Minnesota Twins. I know most of you may be thinking ‘WTF, Hart? You were born and raised in Colorado, you’ve been and A’s fan for 20 years, and a Rox fan for 12. Why are you into the Twins AAA team?” Well, loyal CJS reader, it’s all because of a film I saw last summer. The film followed the Buzz through their 1998 season, a season that any minor league player would love to have had. Join me as recount this classic tale of the underdog. Continue Reading »

Another season of baseball is in the books, and I must say, it was a weird one. Perennial doormats the Tampa Bay Rays won the American League East, the Brewers returned to the playoffs for the first time since many of our CJS readers were born, and the National League West went from the best division in baseball to unflinchingly sucking the meat missile. We have lots to talk about, so come on inside.

(One note: I realize the picture above is of the 2007 Ryan Spilborghs celebrating an NLCS victory, but why can’t we re-visit that glory once in a while? Plus, it gives me an opportunity to mention how much I love Spilly on Rockies All Access. Instead of having five idiotic, unfunny reality show hosts bringing us the Emmys, why couldn’t Spilly do it? He’s fantastic! Can we have him do the Oscars? Would Billy Crystal mind? Can we make sure Spilly stays in Colorado if for no other reason (good defense, .300 average, terrific speed aside) than to have him answer emails on Rockies All Access? How many rhetorical questions can I ask in this intro? Five? Six? Apparently seven. Ok, I’m done. On with the article…) Continue Reading »

Sadly, the Olympics come to an end this weekend which not only means the end of late nights cheering on America and watching sports on the weekend you normally couldn’t care less about, it sadly means Hart and I will regrettably have to end our daily suckling at the teat of easy content due to an infrequent sports phenomenon that captivates everyone’s attention for two weeks. We must return to the normal torturous process of generating fresh ideas each day for your daily waste of 5-20 minutes at work. Pity us.

Or just enjoy this fresh batch of links I’ve cooked up and delivered fresh to your computer for easy Friday consumption! Either way… Continue Reading »

Time seems to pass by like one of these Olympic athletes. The Athens games were 4 years ago, but it seems like it 9.69 seconds. These games have had me thinking about the past 4 years and how my life has transformed in that time. What follows after the jump are some of the major changes I have experienced since the 2004 games. Continue Reading »

When you watch the Olympics, the focus is understandably on the athletes. Everyone is interested in Michael Phelps breaking the record for most gold medals all-time; no one gives a crap about the guy (or more likely team of guys) that makes sure the water temperature is optimal for swimming. When you’re fixated on Misty May and Kerri Walsh’s barely there bathing suits, you may notice during timeouts, the group of gentlemen who come out, rake the sand, smooth out the court, and straighten the boundary lines. Then again, if they’re playing anyone from Poland, you might not.

This post is dedicated to five obscure jobs I’ve grown to appreciate over the course of this year’s Olympics.  Continue Reading »

I personally hate to run.  I the way I feel about running is the way Jerry Seinfeld feels about dancing.

“I can’t believe we’re going dancing?”
“Why? You don’t go that often?”
“No. Because it’s so stupid.”

Just replace dancing with running and that’s me. The last time I ran was 5 or 6 years ago, and I was trying to catch a bus. My distaste for running will not stop me from watching other people run - especially if it is during the Olympics. Continue Reading »

I had the pleasure of indulging several more events not ready for primetime this weekend, and I’m here on this glorious Monday, which came way too fucking fast this week, to share my thoughts with you. On deck is rowing, weightlifting, team handball, and much much more. Please join me, won’t you? Continue Reading »

A mea culpa from E Dagger, an excerpt from the article that was, and a link that is neither here nor there, but funny as hell. I’ll explain after the jump. Continue Reading »

Although I am taking a brief detour from our Olympic coverage, I will still be talking about sports, sort of. There’s a very good chance that this particular sport may never be an Olympic event, though I would much rather watch it than any equestrian event. On a side note, are the horse riders put through the same drug testing policies as the other athletes? What about the horses? What kind of enhancing drugs would the riders take? Are there horse socks? Well before my mind wondered I was getting to the wonderful sport known as putt-putt, or miniature golf. Why, during a time of incredible athletes breaking world records, would I bring up putt-putt? Well after the jump you’ll find out. Continue Reading »

You know swimming. You’re waiting for track & field. Gymnastics dominates prime time programming. Everyone watches these sports. I spent a good chunk of my weekend watching some of the other Olympic offerings. Below are three events for which I have some thoughts. I promise not to mention any of the people you’re nearing your saturation point with (see Phelps, Michael. Johnson, Shawn. And Ming, Yao.). I’m willing to bet you haven’t heard anyone talk about men’s team volleyball though, have you? Continue Reading »

The summer games of the XXIX Olympiad began on Friday. As was mentioned by Dagger in Happy Friday #9: Amanda Beard Edition we here at CJS planned on doing an Olympic preview. Well, what better time for a preview than after they have already started? The Olympics are just how we left it, with the U.S.A. in charge! Ok not completely, as I write this they’re tied in the medal race with China at 8 apiece. China’s synchronized divers just won another gold. I should move on before this becomes three pages of medal updates. So what follow is a few of my thoughts on this opening weekend of the Olympics. Continue Reading »

Whenever I tell someone I play in a kickball league, they usually snicker and make some smartass remark asking when dodgeball starts. Dodgeball is in the winter. Warm weather = kickball, you funny motherfucker.

Chances are excellent that depending on your childhood you either have fond memories of these games and the prospect of playing them as an adult excites you to no end, or you want to turn in the other direction and run away at their very mention. I jumped at the chance, and having now played in three different leagues over the course of 8 seasons, I can tell you that it’s not what I expected. It’s still a kids’ game, but the differences from league to league and team to team are amazing. Continue Reading »

Last night Major League Baseball let it’s all stars take the field in an exhibition game to decided home field for the World Series. As was apparent in an earlier post, almost everyone involved with The Cru Jones Society, the authors and the readers, all love baseball. So I don’t have to tell you that the AL beat the NL 4-3, but I just did.

I’m not here to talk about the All Star game, or the importance of it being played at Yankee Stadium, or how most players are unhappy with the fact that it is the deciding factor in home field for the World Series. What I am going to talk about is something that I have grown to dislike, and almost downright hate, about the game of baseball: the tactics of Oakland Athletics’ minority owner Billy Beane. Continue Reading »

The 134^th running of the Kentucky Derby was this past Saturday. The actual race lasted no more than two minutes, yet NBC devoted two and a half hours to Derby coverage. So with the bourbon and beer flowing like grease off Kentucky Fried Chicken, E Dagger and I present to you the First Annual Kentucky Derby Too Much Coverage Awards! Continue Reading »

My beloved Rockies play host to my beloved Cubs tonight, and I have tickets in the fifth row behind home plate. Just typing that makes me happy. I love baseball. I love playing baseball, I love watching baseball, I love talking about baseball, and I spend a good portion of each day thinking about baseball. For me, there is no greater sport. Continue Reading »

(This is part two in a three part series of the sports loved by CJS. Oddly BMX racing is not one of them. Part three will be posted on 4-23) 

The Holy Grail

Walking around my apartment, looking at the posters, pictures, and other various objects that decorate my home it’s abundantly clear that I love two things: beer (doi) and hockey. So with the Frozen Four having been here in Denver (Tough break Notre Dame, now you gotta fetch the puck bitch) and the Stanley Cup Playoffs in full swing, (4 wins down, 12 more to go baby!) it’s time to talk hockey. Continue Reading »