Archive for the 'Television' Category

Television

Cartoon Memory Lane

 Ah the good times

Now I am not sure if I am maturing or the cartoons these days just flat out suck. But I find that I hate them all. Between that, the Scooby Doo marathon last weekend and the drunken night I passed out at a friend’s with the TV on Boomerang I have felt nostalgic for some of the cartoons I used to love so much. Luckily for me there is Youtube.

There are two possibilities of what will happen if I re-watch some of these cartoons. I will either feel giddy with joy as I remember a life less frightening, or I my memories will be better than the cartoon actually is. In which case I will blame the sugary haze I spent my youth in. Continue Reading »

Television

Ten Awesome Sitcom Intros from the 80s and 90s

 Heebity hoopity zoop zooop zop! Jell-O!

YouTube is likely the apex for time-wasting and pointlessness our culture will ever achieve. Twitter, Facebook, and a whole slew of other narcissistic time sinks are charging hard, but when seeking to achieve absolutely nothing, connecting with absolutely no one, and going absolutely nowhere outside your fart encrusted desk chair for hours on end, nothing beats YouTube.

I’ve watched Keyboard Cat play off hapless schlemiels more times than I can count. I consider that “Boom Goes the Dynamite” Guy a close personal friend after our many hilarious late night Internet rendezvous.

But lately, even though there’s a whole world out there to explore and I have a ton of shit to do besides, YouTube has sucked me back in and I find myself watching the opening themes from cheeseball ‘80s and early ‘90s sitcoms. Here are my 10 current favorites. Continue Reading »

Confessional, Movie, Television

Movie And Television Guilty Pleasures

 With a girl named Spike

Holden: So, uh, what do you wanna do tonight?
Banky Edwards: I dunno. Get a pizza, watch “Degrassi Jr. High”.
Holden: You got a weird thing for Canadian melodrama.
Banky Edwards
: I got a weird thing for girls who say, “Aboot.”

Whether it’s Canadian melodrama, reruns of The Golden Girls, or an Andrew Dice Clay movie; we all have something we enjoy watching that we would never tell a first date or our ball busting friends about. But this is the internet, home of anonymity, so we are going to share ours with you. And we only thought it fair that you share one of yours. So we continue Guilty Pleasure month with the question: What movie or television guilty pleasure do you have? Go ahead and read on, then you can get back to the “I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!” fan page. Continue Reading »

Essay, Movie, Television

Why I Love The Muppets

 I can name damn near everyone of these guys

As you may have noticed, I often allude to the Muppets on this website. I don’t do this out of nostalgia or irony, nor are the Muppets a guilty pleasure of mine, but more on that on Monday. I reference the Muppets because I genuinely and sincerely love the Muppets. Now it’s time to light the lights; it’s time to dress up right; it’s time to get things started. Continue Reading »

Movie, Television

Adapted From Television

This sgow sucks

With the upcoming Land of the Lost movie, and maybe because I watched the recent Get Smart remake this weekend, I started thinking about other film adaptations of classic television shows. While a lot of them miss the mark there are a few that I have enjoyed multiple viewings of. I have picked my three favorites as well as three I wouldn’t watch if I was trapped in my home and they were the only form of entertainment. I would literally rather stare at a blank wall than watch these movies again. So grab a glass of Bosco and a Lucky Strike cigarette and let’s get to it. Continue Reading »

Essay, Television

The Loneliness of Dr. Lightman

Dr. Lightman at work 

In my last post about the show “Lie To Me” I compared Dr. Cal Lightman, the main character played by Tim Roth, to House, the title character of a similar Fox show. On the surface, both of these characters are similar – both are basically entertaining jerks, both have a staff of people who seek to impress them, both use a methodology of detection that no one else can seem to figure out, and both speak with a British accent.

And while I’ve never seen a full episode of “House, M.D.,” I’ve read enough about both the character and the show to feel to have an adequate grasp of them both. As I watched the season finale of “Lie To Me” I was struck by how the similarities are not only skin deep, they run much deeper. The stories of each character are really nothing more than updated superhero allegories. Continue Reading »

Television

Television Hang Out Spots

 Great Scott, Marty! Where di you leave the DeLorean?

Many times on television the characters spend a lot of time at some kind of restaurant/bar/coffee shop. This is their usual hang out. I’ve never had a usual hang out. There have been many bars I prefer, but no single usual place I, or any of my friends, go almost exclusively. I thought I would take a look at a few of the usual hang outs of a few popular TV shows and weigh in on what would be awesome and not awesome about each place. I was looking for places that were not the main setting. This is why Cheers is not mentioned. Thought I would clear that before I got a lot of letters. Continue Reading »

Television

4 Commercials That Insult Dagger’s Intelligence

Trust me… these commercials suck.

We’ve heard from Limon, and we’ve heard from Hart, so I figured I might as well chime in with four commercials that insult my intelligence as well. I’ve listed the four below along with an honorable mention so hated among the masses (even my dear sweet mother), that I thought it unfair to include in such an illustrious list. So let’s get to it. Here are four (five) commercials that call my acumen’s mother a whore. Continue Reading »

Television

4 Commercials That Insult Hart’s Intelligence

 We even have a show about the people who make the things we watch betwen shows. WTF?

A few weeks ago Limon mentioned a few television commercials that annoyed the shit out of him. While he did list some awful ones that bother me, he didn’t touch on the few that make me almost not want to view television at all, unless it’s at a later date at Tivo is involved. So what follows here are the four advertisements that I hate above all other obnoxious shit on TV, that includes Dr. Phil. Continue Reading »

Television

4 Commercials That Insult My Intelligence

13 Million in total annual salary, and not a single good idea in the lot of them

Commercials for the most part pretty much occupy the space between a 24 minute show and a 30 minute time block. Usually they don’t hit the radar since 99% of the commercials out there are a combination of previews for more shows, products I either don’t need, or already knew I wanted, and some feature people who are just happy that they only have to take one pill to prevent a raging herpes outbreak. Every now and again a commercial comes along that somehow despite millions of dollars of production, endless focus group testing, and what I can only assume is a small army of MBAs, manages to miss the point so completely that I am unable to even consider what product is being advertised through my blood curtling disdain over what transpires within a 30 second advertisement. Here are four that are currently chapping my ass. Continue Reading »

Nonsense, Television

I Want To Go Where Everyone Knows My Name


 Yeah I want in too

Recently I’ve been watching reruns of That 70′s Show on the cable network The N, which is billed as “TV. for teens.” Really nothing like watching a station whose main demographic is 10 to 14 years younger than me, and thus every commercial break I am inundated with more ads for acne treatment than Nirvana has songs about heroin. But that’s beside the point here. There are also ads for That 70′s Show where the narrator informs us that the characters are, “like my friends, only funnier.” I call shenanigans on that as those Wisconsin dope heads are not as funny as my friend who busted his head open on the ceiling while jumping down the stairs, or my other friend who inquired about anal beads from the Las Vegas convenient store clerk, or even the kid who referred to a proctologist as an “assamatronamist.” But I did start to imagine what it would be like to be friends with those kids. Then I thought about what it would be like to hang out with other sitcom characters. The results after these messages, er, after the jump. Continue Reading »

Television

The House: M.D. Drinking Game

1152x864_house_wallpaper02.jpg

I’m not too sure how many House fans we have out there, but as I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been enjoying the episodes on DVD via Netflix for quite some time now.   Somewhere along the way I realized that certain elements of the writing on the show lends itself pretty well to a drinking game. Being the young upstart/problem drinker that I am, I’ve decided to create one.   Since I’m pretty much making this up as I go along, I have no idea if you’d just be a little tipsy or full on hammered after playing along, but that’s really all part of the fun, isn’t it? Continue Reading »

Television

Trust Me & Lie To Me

“What happened to our legs? Did E Dagger cut ‘em off? Dammit!”

Intensity!

It’s been over four years, but I finally figured out how to use my Tivo properly. You see, and I know this will be a shock of the highest order, you don’t have to be a slave to the network scheduler anymore. You can program your Tivo to record shows while you’re not there and then watch them at your leisure! I know! Mind-blowing, right? Apparently you can also record shows that look interesting that you’re uncertain about and then give ‘em a test drive without wasting your entire night sitting through the original broadcast! Amazing!

With your mind thoroughly blown, let’s take a look at two more shows I’ve tried on in the last two weeks, shall we? Continue Reading »

Television

The L Word & United States of Tara

Lotta chicks here…Buck, Tara, Alice & T 

Lady E, bless her heart, has sat through more Sportscenter, NFL games, Avalanche games, Nuggets games, re-runs of “Futurama,” re-airings of the Back to the Future trilogy, countless shitty movies I seem to re-watch every weekend on TBS, and my constant fawning over that scene in the bar between George Clooney and Jennifer Lopez from Out of Sight than probably any woman ever pictured she’d have to endure. But what does she expect? She’s marrying a complete media nerd who writes on the internet about ridiculous shit in his spare time for fun. She knew what she was signing up for, but I appreciate her mostly smiling grace through it all.

So, when she recorded three solid seasons of “The L Word” on the DVR before the new season began airing last week to catch up, I was in no position to complain about it. While watching a semi-earnest drama about a group of Los Angeles lesbians is not typically high on my list of things to watch, I thought back on her sitting dutifully beside me every time I switched back and forth between a Nuggets game and Rocky III on AMC (which they have been showing incessantly lately), and decided to give the show a shot. Know what I found out? It’s not half bad. I’ve gotten sucked into it, and have some thoughts to share after the jump. I’ve also included thoughts on Showtime’s newest drama “The United States of Tara” as well since we just started watching that too. Continue Reading »

Confessional, Television

Monday Confessional: Infomercial Mania!

The fuckin’ ShamWow, yo! Cru Jones Society endorsed apparently!

It’s Monday and only one thought is on the mind of Cru Jones Society readers: “Holy hell, I hope I don’t spill a ridiculous amount of liquid all over the floor again without some sort of German shammy to soak it up!” At least that’s what we presume is on the minds of Cru Jones Society readers considering the volume of responses we received touting the ShamWow’s benefits.

By an absolutely staggering margin, the ShamWow was by far the most popular response to this week’s Monday Confessional. We were left to wonder why. We cannot think of one situation we’ve encountered in the last five years that required the use of an industrial strength absorbent. The only reason we saw needing the ShamWow was if you really enjoyed washing your car by hand, and did so every week. Otherwise, how often are you spilling stuff that can’t be quickly cleaned up with a paper towel? Are CJS readers especially messy? Especially clumsy? Easily influenced by dudes wearing Britney Spears-style headsets? Maybe we should just get to the responses. As always, our answers are first followed by yours. The new Confessional topic is at the bottom. Let’s get to it… Continue Reading »

Television

Six Cartoon Villains Who Were Complete Failures

Is this the RNC?

Throughout history good villains have defined good heroes. Where would Edison, Superman, and pizza lovers be without Tesla, Luther, and the Noid? I don’t know, and frankly I don’t want to know. Also I’m not completely sure who was the hero and who was the villain between Edison and Tesla.

More or less these historic villains held their own against worthy opponents. Cartoons from my youth have mimicked this formula. While some were successful, Masters of the Universe, they are less interesting than the incompetent villains from the cartoons of my childhood. So I present to you the 6 biggest failures in cartoon villainy. Continue Reading »

Holiday, Television

Your Friends Are Jerks, Charlie Brown

Charlie Brown, letting people down for 50+ years 

It’s that time of year where the television bombards us with an absolute shit storm of  Christmas programming. You know what I’m talking about: It’s a Wonderful Life, A Christmas Story, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, one of the thousands of versions of A Christmas Carol, etc. Last night was no different as “A Charlie Brown Christmas” made its way into my living room. I actually like this one and watched it. It’s a feel good story. I mean really, who can forget that drooping little tree? This is the second Charlie Brown special I have watched within a month so I thought I would chat a little about Good Ol’ Chuck and the rest of the Peanuts gang. Continue Reading »

Television

Dexter: Revisited

 My, your hand is pale. What haaa…. Oh. Groooossss!

Back in May, I wrote this:

“I am a phone call away from ordering Showtime just so I can watch Season 2 of “Dexter” On Demand before Season 3 starts. The Internet serves as my perennial bamboo shoots under the fingernails as I resist on an hourly basis spoiling the whole goddamn series for myself. I want to see how the series unfolds that badly. I endlessly wonder about the fate of the Ice Truck Killer. I ponder if Dexter can adhere to the Code of Harry. I contemplate how long he can keep this up. I’m losing my mind… I’ll have a more thorough breakdown of this series once I’ve digested more of it. If I were to write it now, it would be nothing more than drooling fanboy fellatio.”

Well, I’ve digested all I can digest without reading spoilers, so it’s time we re-visit my favorite show on television. Welcome to the wonderful world of Dexter. Please come in. I cannot, however, make any promises about avoiding drooling fanboy fellatio… Continue Reading »

Television

How To Kill Your Reputation: A Study in Reality Shows

More like “Hogan jobs to Yokozuna!” ZOMG~! ROFL!!!!“SHARON!!!”

It seems that in the evolution of creating one’s brand, the current chic thing to do is to create a reality show around yourself. Whereas endorsement deals used to be enough to keep any celebrity in the public eye when between actual, art-creating jobs, our present, obsessive love-hate relationship with celebrities dictates that a weekly series featuring the mundanities of everyday life become the new branding mechanism.

If you’re a celebrity in decline – head off to “The Surreal Life” to mainline some low-level publicity. If you’re in decline, and happen to have packed on some extra pounds – “Celebrity Fit Club” it is! And if you’re looking for complete humiliation, chances are excellent VH-1 is just itching to give you your own series where you can break down, get completely emasculated by your wife/girlfriend, go through the soul-crushing process of rehab, and be revealed as an extremely maladjusted, narcissistic creep.

For those not yet on the downswing of their careers, E! and MTV are more than happy to accommodate you. And many a celebrity has jumped onboard. However, Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, the late Anna Nicole Smith, any of those worthless fuckers from “The Hills” – these people don’t concern me. They can take on as many reality shows as they damn well please. Just please stop ruining people I actually respect. That’s all I ask. Here are the five worst examples. Continue Reading »

Television

Sleeping Over with Friends

Don’t we all look nice dressed up like this?

It may be that I watched “Friends” for the first time in eons tonight. It may be that whenever I hang out with my mom, some of my jokes bounce off her like I’m Chandler and that she’s incapable of detecting deadpan like many of the unsuspecting supporting characters serving as the targets of his dry wit over the 10 seasons of Friends. It may be that I saw Jennifer Aniston wearing a bathing suit in the tabloids this week. It may be that I have no reason at all.

Whatever it is, it’s high time we analyze what it would be like to sleep with each character on the show “Friends.” Are you with me? Of course you are! You’re a Cru Jones Society reader! Continue Reading »

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