Cru Jones Society

It’s Wednesday night as I write this and I have just returned home from a trip to Milwaukee and Chicago. I have been home for about two hours and I am happy to be here. Buttfor and Bumhug are pleased to see us. I am relaxing on my own couch after staying in two generally marginal hotel rooms. I am not subtly (or not so subtly, depending on the temperature) sweating on account of the semi-oppressive summer Midwestern humidity. When a vacation ends, I am almost universally happy when it does. The only thing better than going on vacation is coming home from one.

With that said, one thing I will miss greatly from this trip is the uncanny politeness of Midwesterners. For as friendly as Westerners are (and they are), they’ve got nothing on the generosity, pleasant demeanor, and goofy charm of our Scandinavian friends to the east and north. That’s why they’ll always be a CJS Thing We Love. Continue Reading »

You know the drill here. You’re at a bar boozing it up with your buddies, and who shows up? A couple of good looking young women carrying a tray of shots filled with some liquor/beer/fru-fru bullshit you’ve either never had or never considered. I normally hate being bothered by strangers in, well, anywhere, but in the case of these ladies, I’ll make an exception. Continue Reading »

I never got  out of the single digit ages when I lived in the 80s and for me that worked fine. I had a great time enjoying things like the Smurfs and “Alf.” But as I watch all those movies I love from that decade I realize I wish that was when I was a teenager, despite the fact that I would be a lot older today. 80s movies teenagers took back the reigns from the disco loving jerks of the 70s and made it cool to be a teenager again. But eventually the cool teen would be replaced by horny morons who bang baked goods. But for one glorious decade they were king. Continue Reading »

When you watch a lot of Olympics coverage, as I do every two years, you become painfully aware of all the large storylines in play thanks to NBC’s god-awful coverage grabbing you by the lips, forcing your mouth open, and cramming the dominant narratives down your gullet to the point you feel like vomiting pieces of Lindsey Vonn’s injured shin all over your coffee table.

So, in the absence of actual quality coverage, you’re forced to find your own little moments to smile at. And my favorite thing from the weekend: The Biathlon Penalty Lap of Shame. Continue Reading »

It’s often the small things that get you through the day, and sometimes those things don’t lend themselves well to full “Things We Love” entries. What follows below is a collection of small victories and pleasures that turn an otherwise crappy day okay, and an otherwise decent day good. Continue Reading »

Under most circumstances, anticipation is a bad thing. A desperate job interview. A tension-filled pregnancy test. Watching Franklin Morales walk the bases loaded in the late innings when the game is tied. None of these things is fun.

But when it comes to Las Vegas, the day/week/month before you and your buddies head to Sin City for a debaucherous weekend is like the adult version of the run up to Christmas. Your mind races with dreams of going on a huge run at the craps table, your imagination runs wild considering the possibilities of what you’ll do and who you’ll meet, and your liver quivers in anticipation of the wet t-shirt contest like dousing it’ll receive over the next two days.

Did I mention we’re going to Vegas tomorrow? Continue Reading »

As promised, this is the follow up to the New York/New Jersey field trip article from yesterday.

Why are there no Dunkin’ Donuts stores in Colorado ? Goddamned if I know, but until about 5 years ago, Colorado seemed to have a real donut franchise deficiency. No Dunkins, no Krispy Kreme, not even a stupid Mr. Donut to be found. Sure, there were a few Daylight Doughnuts scattered about town like so many wayward crumbs on the bottom of a toaster, but really, how many of you even knew that was a chain?

It’s too simplistic to write “Things We Love: Dunkin’ Donuts” because really, who doesn’t love Dunkin’ fucking Donuts? No, hitting the road and realizing there’s a Dunkins in your general vicinity (or in the case of Boston , on every fucking block) when you have no access to it otherwise is much more appropriate. Continue Reading »

I‘m not an athlete. I fancied myself an athlete as a kid and throughout high school, and while I patrol centerfield in kickball, sweat it out on elliptical machines, and ride my bike to work occasionally, that doesn’t make me an athlete. Yet I still love Gatorade. So fruity and delicious, Gatorade is the nectar of the gods. Restoring hydration after a night of cigarettes, Jager shots, and beers, Gatorade sets my course on the road to recovery like the Florence Nightingale of drinking. Shit, I drink it just for fun on the way to work a couple times a week at least. It’s nutritious, it tastes good, and I can’t get enough of it.

I wrote the above paragraph last Friday night after Lady E and I returned from the Park Tavern. I was fairly drunk, desperately wanted to go to bed, and had to get up early the next day, but the Gatorade tasted so good, and my feelings so strong about its simple brilliance, I had to write at least part of my love letter to it right then and there. And if you thought was all I had to say, well, you’ve obviously never been here before. Welcome! Continue Reading »

 Last night I participated in what has become somewhat of a monthly tradition. I went to trivia night at a not so local bar, way to far from my home. It was a good night as my team came in second, but more on that later. Playing trivia games has become one of my favorite pastimes, and luckily there are many ways to partake in trivia. Continue Reading »

I was a little bitter and angry yesterday, so I’ve decided to go in a different direction today. Some may call that bi-polar. I call it the ability to experience different feelings. I’ve been a real punk rock mood lately, could be due to the impending Pennywise show, or it could be due to the fact that punk rock is fantastic and makes me happy. Either way works for me. So in light of this punk feeling I wanted to dedicate a post to the punk rocker that keeps punk rock the one love I know won’t break my heart: Tim “Lint” Armstrong. Continue Reading »

I have made dozens of mix tapes in my life each one more agonizing to make than the last. As I noted in my “Sweatin’ to the CJS” article:

“Anyone who knows me well knows that I spend more time creating mix tapes than virtually anyone else. I agonize over each song, its placement, and its effect on the overall aesthetic of the mix. I’m like Rob Gordon in High Fidelity. A mix tape says as much about you as any other aspect of your personality. I have created 10 different punk mixes, that if you listened to them sequentially and paid attention carefully, you’d get a startlingly accurate snapshot of who I was when I created each one. Between 2002 and 2007, my life is summarized in CDs. Some people keep journals. Some make scrapbooks. I make mix tapes.”

In addition to those 10 aforementioned punk mixes, I’ve made three Road Trip Mixes, two Birthday Mixes (one shitty, one spectacular), two mellow Late Night Jukebox Mixes, a Workout Mix, one profoundly awful Ska Mix, one I called “Dagger’s Basement Jams” when I was in a particularly immature and angst-ridden mood, and five other mixes that were lost in the Great CD Disappearance of 2002. You count that up, that’s 25 mixes in the last 7 years. Continue Reading »

We don’t always appreciate the place we live, or the place we grew up. Sometimes the snow turns a 15 minute drive into an hour long trip and wish for the warm Januarys of Florida. But then you reach your destination and gaze at the pine trees frosted like a delicious sugary cereal, and you realize that Florida doesn’t have that. They only have old people.

Sometimes the snow isn’t falling and the weather isn’t nice, and it just looks blah then you receive a phone call from a friend (Dagger) in that stage of drunk where he appreciates everything a little too much, where he loves you, but not in a gay way. Then he begins to wax poetic about living in Colorado. You spend the rest of the weekend thinking about what he said and come to the conclusion that even in a drunken state he’s right, dammit. Continue Reading »

Well, it’s October, and I couldn’t be happier. October is by far my favorite month of the year. A lot of people choose their birth month as their favorite. Mine’s in February when it’s ass cold outside, so that’s lame. Some people will choose a summer month. A lot of people take their vacation during that time and crowd every place up, and I’m not one for crowds. Others, usually children, choose December because they get time off from school and that Christmas thing happens then. I’ve spent the past eight years seeing the ugly side of Christmas and have come to dread December. For me, October has all those months trumped and here’s why. Continue Reading »

The recent Democratic and Republican conventions as well as the impending election have me reflecting upon this current administration. I’ll admit, there are scant few things that I will miss about the Bush administration, but White House Press Secretary Dana Perino’s regular press briefings aired on CNBC at completely random times in the middle of the day is probably at the top of my list. Continue Reading »

While avoiding homework the other day I came across episodes of “The Norm Show,” later called “Norm” due to legal issues, a public access show with the name “The Nrom Show” threatened to sue (public access? WTF?), and I was reminded of just how funny Norm McDonald is. He’s a comedic actor that has never truly been appreciated. I think we all know who is to blame for that. That’s right, Frank Stallone. Continue Reading »

I thought about the site this weekend, as I often do, and considered the post constructions we use “Things We Love” and “Things We Hate.” Considering I’ve written most of them, I stand steadfast behind all of our choices. However, with this post I wanted to choose something I really, truly, and profoundly love. So here you go: Tombstone Pizza. Continue Reading »

As well as it being a good day, it is also Free Slurpee day! Every year on July 11th, or 7/11, the 7-11 conevient store chain gives away free Slurpees. Granted they give away the smallest size they have, but free is free right?

With a little bit of planning, some free time, and a car full of gas, you could attempt to hit several 7-11s and end up with a real sized Slurpee.

This is a fairly clever marketing ploy. You get the people in the store, and honestly who hasn’t gone in for one thing and ended up buying beef jerkey, some candy cigarettes, or a Nin Trucker Magazine? They give away an item less than a dolla, but you end up spending at least five. Brilliant!

Not that I’m a 7-11 shill, but seeing as it’s going to be more than 90 goddamn degrees today, I encourage you to take advantage and enjoy a frozen beverage courtesy of 7-11.

We love Eugene Levy in many things, so many things that we could probably start a website on just that premise, but we won’t. We’ll just concentrate on one of the things that we really enjoy, as Jason Biggs’ father in “American Pie.” Continue Reading »

I sit here at CJS Headquarters having drank roughly a kiddie pool full of booze last night at a friend’s wedding trying my best to forget that my head feels like it’s being squeezed by Andre the Giant. And here’s The Fugitive right there on TNT. Hoo-ah! I know what I’m doing for the next 2+ hours. Is there a better way to kill a hangover than by watching this movie on a lazy afternoon? Answer: no.

“I didn’t kill my wife!”

Awesome.

And on TBS? Tommy Boy.

Awesome. God bless these stupid Ted Turner networks.

I’ve spent the entire day thinking it’s Wednesday when it’s actually Thursday. Yesterday I thought it was Tuesday when it was really Wednesday. As I approach the end of this workday, I keep thinking, “Hmmmm… two more days of this shit. God, this week is going slowly.”

Then I remember that I’m an idiot and that I only have a half day tomorrow since I work until 6:00 every other night, and I get all happy with my retardo self. Miller Time for E Dagger!

This almost never happens, and in fact always seems to happen the other way. You’ll find yourself thinking it’s Wednesday when it’s really only Tuesday which REALLY makes the week drag on.

Having my experience this week is like thinking you already opened all your Christmas presents and then finding one hidden behind some gaudy, golden spray paint-covered macaroni ornament monstrosity you made in first grade. You swore this gift just appeared out of nowhere – but really your powers of observation are just terrible. You think you’re in for a couple more days of agonizingly boring monotony, but really you just can’t pay attention to your calendar.

The next time this happens to you, make sure and smile. Because god knows it won’t happen again and you’ll end up like Lady E calling me one tragic Monday at 11:00 a.m. “It feels like Friday.”

Wow, good luck with your week there, darlin’.

I’ll see you all next week. If you need me, I’ll be off drinking because it’s not actually Wednesday and I only have a half day tomorrow. Ha! Love it!

edagger@crujonessociety.com