Cru Jones Society

It’s November. That means Christmas decorations have been up in most major retail stores for a couple months now. And it used to be about this time when I would begin to dread the inevitable day that I would face near the end of the month: the day after Thanksgiving, the busiest shopping day of the year, Black Friday. Now that I don’t work as a retail whore any more I thought I would take a day and look back at the hell that is Black Friday. Continue Reading »

Although I am taking a brief detour from our Olympic coverage, I will still be talking about sports, sort of. There’s a very good chance that this particular sport may never be an Olympic event, though I would much rather watch it than any equestrian event. On a side note, are the horse riders put through the same drug testing policies as the other athletes? What about the horses? What kind of enhancing drugs would the riders take? Are there horse socks? Well before my mind wondered I was getting to the wonderful sport known as putt-putt, or miniature golf. Why, during a time of incredible athletes breaking world records, would I bring up putt-putt? Well after the jump you’ll find out. Continue Reading »

Most of my afternoon is spent with very little interaction with other people. Since my afternoon tasks involving nothing more than basic motor skills, my mind has time to wander, and a-wandering it goes. For some reason my mind always seeks out my internal jukebox and puts one or two songs on repeat. It picks some of the most random songs too - never anything I’ve recently listened to either, just pieces of songs that exist in my brain in that void between hockey stats and movie quotes. What follows is a list of the top songs that get stuck in my head at work. Continue Reading »

Welcome back to the Business Lists. We’ve got more of the good stuff inside covering everything from the shittiest places to eat lunch, to out of office replies, to songs not to listen to while wearing a suit lest you bum yourself out. You’re only a click away. Let’s make fun of white collar jobs together! Continue Reading »

A quick word about the site before we jump into today’s nonsense. You may have noticed Lee S. Hart’s posts have been less frequent over the last few weeks. Since terminating his abusive relationship with the world of retail, he’s busied himself with finding his way through another complicated web of crap known as the corporate world. He’ll be taking some time off from CJS over the next couple of weeks.

Senor Limon and I will pick up the slack and do our best to maintain our daily updates and hopefully continue to make you laugh at our nonsense. Sr. Limon has been busy with his own work-related insanity, and considering his real life job is much more intense than most of ours and requires dedication more rigorous than our ability to show up and phone it in if we want to, he hasn’t posted as much as he’d like either. He tells me things are slowing a bit and he’ll be back for three brand new posts next week, and probably two this week (barring any unforeseen calamity).

And since we’re talking about work, and since everyone loves lists (I guess. Just go with me on that), I’m proud to present the first ever collection of Cru Jones Society Business Lists! Hopefully, this becomes a recurring feature here at CJS, and we’re here to kick it off with our first 8 lists. Feel free to leave a comment if you believe I’ve missed something or disagree. I look forward to hearing your responses! Continue Reading »

(This is the fifth and final part in an on going series dedicated to the many years, going on 8 now, that I have spent as a retail whore.)

At press time I have three more shifts left working retail. Ever! That’s right, as of 11pm Friday I will no longer be working in the wonderful world of retail. I have a grown up job and my life in retail is over. This is my first new job in 8 years. I’m a little frightened but mostly excited. Continue Reading »

Dear men of the 18^th floor,

Why are you the way you are? I hate so much about all the things that you choose to be. I have witnessed two of you in the act, but I suspect there are more of you than I think. Why is this so difficult? Why can’t you take 10 seconds to save the rest of us a moment of annoyance and mild disgust? To reiterate: Why are you the way you are? Continue Reading »

  (This is the fourth part in an on going series dedicated to the many years, going on 8 now, that I have spent as a retail whore.)

As the last three parts have showed, the most obnoxious aspects of retail are the people involved. But there are other annoyances that I deal with on a daily basis. These are the retail equivalents of cover sheets on T.P.S. reports. They’re nothing too serious, but they peck at you day in and day out, much like a mother in law, or so sitcoms and hack comedians would have me believe. Ok, let’s put the spaghetti in the machine and get into this. Continue Reading »

(This is the third part in an on going series dedicated to the many years, going on 8 now, that I have spent as a retail whore.)

From the brokers on Wall Street, to the fry cook at McDowell’s, almost everyone has a boss. I’m no exception. In the world of retail the chain of order is like this: Corporate - Area Managers - Store Managers - Supervisors - Hourly Peons. Part 3 of My Life in Retail will go into more detail on how truly fortunate I am to be part of this chain. Continue Reading »

(This is the second part in an on going series dedicated to the many years, going on 8 now, that I have spent as a retail whore.)

Since I work in a large store, and I have yet to master the art of being in two places simultaneously, I am forced to work with other people. Given that these people inhabit my life for forty hours a week, I thought that the second part of my retail life (that sounds like a shitty reality show) be dedicated to them. Continue Reading »

(This is the first part in an on going series dedicated to the many years, going on 8 now, that I have spent as a retail whore.) 

It’s been said that the customer is the most important part of retail, the bread and butter of the industry. Everything is done in an attempt to lure new customers, and then hook them into returning. That’s why the phrase “the customer is always right” exists. So it’s only fitting that I launch this series with the customers. Continue Reading »