E Dagger’s Impossible Christmas List

According to last week’s episode of “Modern Family,” Christmas occurs on December 16th to accommodate everyone’s travel schedule. If this is true, not only is shopping season happening earlier and earlier, but Christmas itself continues to encroach upon the calendar too.

So far be it from me to deny the inevitability of the season. It’s important that I put my Christmas list out there for all the CJS Regulars to see. But you won’t find any Kindle Fires, Xbox 360s or copies of Rad on DVD on this list. This is E Dagger’s Impossible Christmas List. This is where I put all the stuff that no one could ever hope to obtain. If you find it, you’re my new best friend and possibly my new lover (Lady E says: Hands off, fuckers!). So, what’s on this list? You’re but a click away.

Happy holidays, bitch! Continue Reading »


Things I’m Tired Of Hearing From Co-Workers

I have noticed many people seem to have a problem with silence, and they seek to ensure the silence doesn’t exist. This usually entails talking, but unfortunately most people aren’t very apt at the whole talking thing. Sure they are capable of putting words together and forming complete thoughts, but it usually doesn’t entail more than that. Some people seem to be so threatened by the silence they have pocketed select phrases to keep the silence from showing up. I for one am tired of hearing these stupid little phrases, and that fact that people can’t just let the silence linger. Let’s please clean up the work place and eliminate the desire to talk about or say these stupid ass things. Continue Reading »

Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars? 2011 Winners Revealed!

It’s the moment you’ve been waiting for. Inside this article is the definitive list of correct choices for all three of the basic human desires – foodin’, sexin’, and car-in’. It’s time to find out who is the 2011 Food, Sex, or Cars Master! Should you have any problems with these answers, take it up with us in the comments section, but we’ve run these answers through a world-class thinktank of psychologists, physicists, cryptiosimitists, and other really smart people including 2-time winner Keithage. Our word is the last word.

Without further ado, here are the results to the 4th Annual Food Sex or Cars Competition! Continue Reading »

Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars? Voting Closes Today

Just a friendly reminder, voting in the 4th Annual Food Sex or Cars competition closes today at 6 pm, MST. Make sure all your choices are in for a shot at $50 at iTunes. All scenarios can be found linked right here. So get those last minute votes in! We’ll announce winners tomorrow. Thanks for playing, and good luck!

Hart & Dagger

Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars? Kiss Me Deadly Edition

Well we’ve come to the end of another year of Food Sex or Cars? We’ve had some laughs and some tears, and we hope you enjoyed yourselves. Once you’re done with this final round go back and make sure you answered all the rounds, are content with your answers, and that you crossed all the “T’s” and dotted all the lower case “J’s.” Remember voting for all scenarios closes Monday, November 28 at 6:00 p.m. MST. And we’ll announce the winners on Tuesday, November 29. Without further ado the finale of Food Sex or Cars? 2011! Continue Reading »

Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars? Nightmare Edition

Sometimes we create scenarios that we wish we could forget about. But instead of trying to erase them from our minds we opt to bring you with us into the nightmare. This is one of those times. Consider that a warning. So here is Round 14, enjoy the rest of your day! Continue Reading »

Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars? Gassy Edition

Good morning and welcome the final day of 2011’s Food Sex or Cars? We hope you were able to get your Christmas shopping done, considering most stores have now been open for seven hours. You’ll need the focus and concentration to answer the scenarios presented to you today.  Now strap in for this gas-tacular round 13! Continue Reading »

Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars? Nostalgia Edition

This is a day for everyone to reflect on what they are thankful for. We hope you are all thankful for an enjoyable childhood you once had. Did you have a nice trip down memory lane? When we took it we came back with some souvenirs and created our last Thanksgiving Day scenario. After this there are only three more! Continue Reading »

Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars? Doesn’t Float Edition

Whoever is cooking your Thanksgiving meal is probably about to get started, and you’re no help, which means you need something to do. As usual CJS has got your back. We proudly present the second scenario of Thanksgiving Day 2011! Get ready for three things that will never get their own Macy’s Parade Float. Continue Reading »

Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars? Over Indulgence Edition


Welcome to day four of our annual competition, and day four always means it is Thanksgiving! This is the one day a year when we are allowed to fully embrace our American ways and eat and drink to excess. So in the spirit of going big and giving into vices we give you Round 10. Hope your Thanksgiving doesn’t pale too much in comparison. Continue Reading »

Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars? Higher Power Edition

Tomorrow we give thanks. As Americans, it’s the only day we’re really required to do that. If you’re a CJS fan, you give thanks this whole week because you get to test your brain on all sorts of goofy shit three assholes thought up for fun. We had some divine help with this one, and you’ll definitely need some divine help in figuring out the correct answer. Round 9 of Food Sex or Cars is feelin’ fine. Continue Reading »

Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars? Suburban Home Edition

Like Arcade Fire, we grew up in the suburbs. Unlike Arcade Fire, we have not galvanized a legion of insufferable mutton chop wearing hipsters drinking cans of PBR who pontificate about us (although, god knows we should have). So Round 8 is dedicated to everyone else who grew up in the suburbs. And if you didn’t… well, you probably didn’t miss much. Continue Reading »

Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars? Mountain Vista Edition

Welcome to Day 3 of the Thanksgiving Week tradition! After turning weird on you yesterday, let’s get back to three appealing options (this won’t last, btw). Let’s see how you do as hopefully you’re either already not working, or wrapping up before the 4-day weekend. Decisions, decisions. Continue Reading »

Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars? Crazy Train Edition

It’s the last scenario of Day 2, and we’re goin’ off the rails on a crazy train! With a few exceptions, it really only gets worse from here people. Your continued support is both appreciated and slightly baffling, but keep it coming! In fact, tell your friends. Like us on Facebook, RT us on Twitter, and permanently scar people you know with these goofy things. Like this one! Continue Reading »

Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars? Macarena Edition

Day 2 at Food Sex or Cars, and it’s time to crank it up a bit. That last scenario is likely one of the hardest you’ve ever had to make in your entire life due to the great big, gaping gobs of awesome it made you choose between. So let’s dial it back a bit. Here are some choices you’ve likely never even thought about. Here’s Round 5. Why do we call it the Macarena Edition? Good luck, everyone! Continue Reading »

Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars? Best Edition Ever

Day one of Food Sex or Cars has come and gone. It’s great to see so many people participating and having fun, but it’s time we up the ante a bit here on day two. We give you a dinner prepared in the manliest way possible, the most interesting sex in the world, and the premiere way to travel all across the universe. Now get your vote on. Continue Reading »

Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars? Fill ‘Er Up Edition

Welcome to Round 3 of Food Sex or Cars! We close out our first day with a throwdown between a big ol’ breakfast, a hot tamale of a character, and a kickin’ way to get from here to there. Good luck, everyone! We’ll see you tomorrow. Continue Reading »

Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars? Reliability Edition

Here’s your second scenario. It’s specifically designed with the ladies in mind, but to have a realistic shot at winning, you need to answer every scenario we present. So, gay, straight, man, woman… it doesn’t matter. Do your best, and give us your best reasoning. Here’s Round 2 of Food Sex or Cars. Good luck, everyone! Continue Reading »

Food Sex or Cars?

Food Sex or Cars? Empire State of Mind Edition


Welcome to the 4th Annual edition of Food Sex or Cars!

The rules here are simple. We present you with a scenario, and based on the three choices, you decide which one you’d like to eat, fuck, or drive. You make your choice in the comments section and we tally up the scores at the end of the week. If you’re not registered with Disqus, you can post as a guest. Just please use a consistent posting name, so we can keep an accurate score. We’ll have THREE scenarios a day through Friday going up at 6:00 am, 10:00 am, and 2:00 pm. Voting for all scenarios closes Monday, November 28 at 6:00 p.m. MST.

We’ll reveal the correct answers on Tuesday, November 29 along with the winners. Prizes will be awarded to the top 3 finishers. For a more detailed breakdown of the rules and the prizes, click here.

This is our weirdest year ever thanks in no small part to two-time winner Keithage helping us concoct the scenarios. So, time’s a-wastin’! Let’s get to our first scenario. Hold your cursor over each picture to get a full description of each choice, which is important to making a correct choice. Good luck to everyone! Let’s play Food Sex or Cars! Continue Reading »


Three Half-Cooked Television Theories

The Thanksgiving Week Tradition of Foodin’ Sexin’ and, errrr, Carrin’ returns next week, and we are as pumped as ever for it. The scenarios are as brain bending as ever and the prizes are out of sight.

But that’s next week. Never ones to make you wait too long, we’ve got our regular Thursday feature to tide you over.

And what better way to prepare for your annual Thanksgiving food coma than talking about television? And this year when you hunker down for a nice post-gorge veg session, here’s some food for your thoughts. We’ve got three half-cooked television theories that have been rolling around in our heads for the past few weeks. So when you’re watching these shows in the coming weeks, maybe consider… Continue Reading »

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