Cru Jones Society

The week has finally come to an end, oh that’s why it’s called the weekend! And our weekend is filled with a birthday party, putt-putt, a bbq, some baseball, and pretty girls. Sounds absolutely lovely. We can’t wait for it. But first we have to put in a few more hours with the man. Doesn’t mean we can’t waste some of those hours with scary fighters, 3-D boobs, and some outer space insects. Let’s put the spaghetti in the machine already. Continue Reading »

Release Date: April 16, 1999
Box Office Gross: $299,569
Rotten Tomatoes Freshness Rating: 60%
Pertinent Review Line: “In this season of blaming everything on the movies, a film like “SLC Punk!” will no doubt inspire knee-jerk moralists to deplore its depiction of an anarcho-punk lifestyle. But remember: A movie isn’t about what it’s about, but about how it’s about it. What “SLC Punk” is really about is Stevo’s ironic distance on his lifestyle – about the way he lives it and analyzes it at the same time. The message isn’t “live this way,” but “look at the way you live.” There’s a little something there for all of us.” – Roger Ebert, Sun Times

Somewhere in American society the notion that coming of age stories could only feature the likes of Dustin Hoffman being seduced by an older woman, or a New Jersey kid learning to stand up for himself through the power of martial arts. When this kind of story comes along featuring people with odd hair or weird clothes it will often fall to the wayside. As Roger Ebert pointed out, this is what happened with SLC Punk!. Continue Reading »

Release Date: February 27, 2004
Box Office Gross: $5,001,708
Rotten Tomatoes Freshness Rating: 30%
Pertinent Review Line: “Even by its own low-ball standards, “Club Dread” falls short. Chandrasekhar and company opt for graphic gags instead of actual, you know, comedy. The troupe’s 2001 “Super Troopers,” a sort of “Police Academy” caper that featured Broken Lizard as inept members of the Vermont State Police, had its moments. But in “Dread,” no one seems the slightest bit motivated to work the humor. Why bother? The living on this island is too easy.” – Desson Thomson, Washington Post

That tepid endorsement for the generally hilarious Super Troopers was as close to actual praise as I could find for Broken Lizard’s cop farce from a critic. Why Super Troopers even matters in this discussion serves as the entire basis for my argument as to why Club Dread underrated. So let’s take a look at Broken Lizard’s alleged sophomore slump more carefully then. Continue Reading »

Release Date: April 23, 1999
Box Office Gross: $14,902,041
Rotten Tomatoes Freshness Rating: 93%
Pertinent Review Line: “This story might have lent itself to pratfalls and broad gags, but Mr. Payne keeps it chillier. He sees the frailties of all the film’s characters, even if its plot is supposedly about winners and losers. And for all its nicely malevolent humor this is a story that ultimately leads to disillusionment. As in ”Citizen Ruth,” Mr. Payne has trouble resolving real issues with a simple ending. But the sentiment voiced by McAllister is ’It just makes me sad.’” – Janet Maslin, New York Times

Election is a movie often beloved by critics and film dorks, but it made it into our underrated category simply because on the mainstream whole the movie lacks the praise it is worthy of. It is a movie that gets play time on TBS, but during the off hours. One someone would stumble upon by accident. But the movie deserves much more than that and I’m here to tell you why. Continue Reading »

Since we’re talking about summer movies here, it must be summer, right? Well, it’s actually the middle of May – fucking Hollywood. It’s not even Memorial Day, but Iron Man 2 is already out which means no one respects the seasons anymore. Whatever. Regardless of what season it actually is, we asked you: What summer movie are you most looking forward to, and which one is most likely to suck balls? We answer this week’s (temporarily) final Confessional question, and then our Regulars chime in. Let’s head to the local kinetoscope house, shall we? Continue Reading »

It’s Friday once again, although it may not feel that way because many of you probably overindulged on Wednesday thanks to Cinco de Drinko. We used to love Cinco de Mayo until it somehow degenerated into an ever bigger amateur farce than when we were growing up. But still, it’s an excuse for gringos to drink margaritas and eat Mexican food, so there’s always that.

However, it’s now the next day and you’re probably hungover, full of indigestion, and wondering why you used that permanent marker to draw on your pencil thin mustache. We can’t help you there, but we can help you salve things a bit with this batch of links we collected throughout the week. So come on in! Continue Reading »

Chivalry is one of those things that’s almost impossible to do right. It’s like trying to teach someone how to drive stick shift. Too much effort, and you make them clam up and shut down. Not enough, and you’re a heartless cretin.

That’s why the Love Lounge is here. We’re here to guide you through all the romantic pitfalls facing everyone making an honest effort to get naked with someone else. Today’s topic is chivalry. No point in wasting time, let’s get started. Continue Reading »

The alt rock band Cake once sang, “I don’t know much about Cinco de Mayo/I’m never sure what it’s all about.” Mostly I agree with this. I know there’s something about Mexico and conquering France or something. Since this is the case I, along with a few of you, and many members of the ska music scene take this opportunity to participate in Cinco de Mustache. The 2010 edition has been a lot of fun and only slightly disgusting. Now let’s get on with this parade of lip ferrets. Continue Reading »

The 136^th running of the Kentucky Derby happened this weekend and around here that is a holy day. After a day of drinking, snacking and imaginary betting we are happy to bring to you our annual Kentucky Derby Awards. This year the ridiculousness was flowing like our bourbon and we captured most of it to share with you. And now our round up of the filler surrounding the most exciting two minutes in sports. It won’t make up for the money you lost on Lookin At Lucky, it should at least make your morning less work filled. Continue Reading »

It’s Derby season, which means we get to experience the only thing with more ridiculous names than yachts, race horses. And since it would be a long ass time until we would be able to own a horse of our own, we decided to throw our hat into the naming rings via the internet. This week we asked: What name would you give your race horse? Now let’s get to the names, so we can make our bets. Continue Reading »

It’s Friday which means it’s time once again to shed those work obligations, put on clothes you actually choose to wear, and leave the kids with that most trusted family friend – the television.

In this edition we’ll cover some news from your (read: my) favorite TV shows, news from the world of brunch, and, oh yes ladies, plenty of baseball. So kiss the kids on the head, grab that credit card, and let’s head to the buffet of Friday time wasting! Continue Reading »

One of the best parts about the Derby aside from the fancy hats, the all day drinking, the mocking of celebrities and the general feeling of awesomeness that comes from watching the sport of kings, is the horse names. We like this aspect so much we devoted a Confessional Question to it (be sure to answer that). But today I decided to scroll the list of winners over the past 27 years and I picked out the four names I liked the best, and the four I liked the least. Continue Reading »

With the Kentucky Derby coming up Saturday, CJS wants to give you the first look at this year’s field. However, since we know nothing about the technical side of horse racing, haven’t followed it all year, and can’t be bothered to conduct actual research, you get the vital stats of each horse followed by a bunch of juvenile jokes about their names and odds we pulled completely out of our ass. All of the information below (except for our bullshit odds) can be found here.

So, enjoy! And please don’t base any potential wagers on any of our given odds. They are totally fabricated and written off the top of my head. One final warning, I’ve included pictures of all these horses, but have no idea if they’re accurate (except for the ones with the names on their blankets of course - smartass). You probably wouldn’t know the difference anyway, but in the interest of full disclosure, I thought I’d mention it. Let’s get started! Continue Reading »

Since it’s Kentucky Derby Week (a.k.a. The Cru Jones Society High Holiday) our aim is to prepare you for the most exciting two minutes in sports. And since we’ll be watching this weekend (although not live – fucking real jobs fucking shit up this year), we thought it only apropos that we prepare you to have your own kickass Kentucky Derby party at your own house/condo/apartment/refrigerator box. Although if you’re partying in a refrigerator box, you likely won’t need an excuse to drink bourbon. Perhaps that’s in bad taste.

Below you’ll find the essential elements to having a Derby Party your friends won’t soon forget. So let’s get to it. Invite all the pimps and ladybitches you know. It’s Derby time, baby! Continue Reading »

Every year there are a handful of sporting events that are the crème de le crème. Events that are more important and more special than the games played on any other given day. So this week we asked: What one sporting event do you want to see before you die? We got a nice collection of events and manage to cover all the bases, except soccer, but who really cares about soccer? Continue Reading »

1…2…3…4 Get your woman on the floor. Gotta gotta get up, get down. Gotta gotta get up, get down.

Word up everybody, so glad you’re here. It’s Coolio, put the flow back in your ear. This ain’t the fantastic four, but I’m still on a mission to see if I can get your attention.

If you remember that song, you probably graduated college at least five years ago. If you got a twinge of nostalgia when you read those lyrics, you probably are a dork.

Whatever the case, it’s Friday so it’s time to get your woman on the floor. Heat up that oven of hers with links about beer, sports, comedy, and disease (hey, disease!). If that don’t work, baby you can take your time do it right, we can drink some Jager do it all damn night! Slide, slide, but that’s the fact, got something brand new for that ass! Continue Reading »

I have two giant cases full of CDs. One of them is filled with punk and ska discs and the other is filled with everything else. The punk case contains roughly double the discs of the “everything else” binder, which is another way of saying, I have fairly narrow tastes. Although I do have my moments of broadness.

I don’t visit the other case as I often as I do the punk one, so let’s follow Hart’s lead and see what are the five best ones from the non-punk world of music. Continue Reading »

This past Saturday I went down to the local record shop and partook in the activities of Record Store Day. For those who don’t know, this is a day devoted to celebrating independent record stores, place like Championship Vinyl from High Fidelity. There are special releases and live music; it’s like the end of Empire Records only not as over the top. Continue Reading »

You know the drill here. You’re at a bar boozing it up with your buddies, and who shows up? A couple of good looking young women carrying a tray of shots filled with some liquor/beer/fru-fru bullshit you’ve either never had or never considered. I normally hate being bothered by strangers in, well, anywhere, but in the case of these ladies, I’ll make an exception. Continue Reading »

Everyone has that one thing they have oddly specific knowledge about. For the most part this information would only come in handy when attending your local trivia night. Well we looked into the “What If Crystal Ball” and found a fun little scenario for you and your specific knowledge. If you were given the opportunity to teach a class, what is the one subject you would be best equipped to teach? We got your responses and put together a class schedule. Now grab your books and get to class. Continue Reading »